It's All in the Cards
by Dream Ablaze
Summary: Yolei tells Kari's fortune with a deck of cards. Then everything starts to come true! Contains prune juice, giant duck sculptures, male pregnancies, Antarctican weddings, very large hair, eyekisses, Cody fangirls, Davis in pearls, and full fledged war.
1. Mme Yolei's Table of Mysterious Fortune

**It's All in the Cards**

**Chapter One: Madame Yolei's Table of Mysterious Fortune**

"Okay, Kari, pick four guys!" Yolei demanded, slapping down four Jacks.

Kari blinked. "How is this fortune telling?" she asked.

"It's _love_ fortune telling!" Yolei explained, impatient.

"Um, okay."

Yolei had just arrived back from summer camp, eager to share card games and tricks with the other Digidestined their age – and really anyone who was around. Luckily they were in Yolei's bedroom instead of at school or a park where she could attack anyone with her cards.

"Kari! Pick me!" Davis grinned.

"Hmm." Kari looked around at TK, Davis, Cody, and Ken, all standing around the makeshift, cardboard-box-turned-into "Madame Yolei's Table of Mysterious Fortune". Four guys, right there. "Okay, how about… TK… Cody… Ken… and…" She paused, rubbing her chin in mock concentration as Davis waited. "Davis." He cheered.

"Okay!" Yolei turned over the Jacks and mixed them up. "Now, say their names in random order."

"Uh, Cody."

Yolei slapped down the first card. The Jack of Diamonds. "Cody represents money to you!"

Kari looked at Cody and shrugged. He did the same, smiling a tiny bit.

"Okay, well… Davis…" Kari said.

Yolei put down the next card, the Jack of Clubs. "Davis represents work to you!"

Kari turned around to look at Davis, but couldn't find him. She finally looked down to see him crumpled on the floor. "WORK?" he cried mournfully.

"Cheer up, Davis," Cody said. "At least you're not money. I'd much rather work than just have money."

"Well, I wouldn't!" Davis sighed. "And I could marry Kari if I had money. Then I could buy her a big pink house and a diamond ring that would weigh her hand down."

"The camera around her neck already weighs her down," Cody pointed out. "I'm not sure if she could handle a huge diamond ring."

Ken sighed and shook his head. "I don't think Kari is the type to marry for money."

"No, definitely not, Ken," Kari said.

Yolei slapped down the next card, making Kari jump. The taller girl shrugged. "You said Ken. Anyway, Ken represents happiness, Spades, to you." Yolei frowned. "Like he's your friend, you know?"

Kari nodded. Everyone knew how much Yolei obsessed over Ken, except probably him. Genius? Not when it came to knowing such obvious things.

"So that leaves… The Jack of Hearts. TK," Yolei said. Kari felt her face redden a tiny bit.

Davis laughed. "If a club, whatever that is, represents work, then hearts have to represent something crazy too. Like plastic lawn flamingos, right?"

"Uh, no," Yolei said. "Hearts actually symbolize love. The red suits are easy."

Davis glared at TK. "Hey! Do you love Kari?"

Kari was now bright red. She was never facing TK again. Ever. And never turning around again, either. Yolei, the only person who was looking right at her, hadn't noticed her distress.

"Well, yeah," TK said. "She's my best friend. I've known her forever."

Somehow that was almost worse than him saying no. The only thing she was endlessly glad he didn't add was the 'she's like a sister to me' line.

"Okay! Fortune telling time!" Yolei grinned.

Kari blinked. "I thought we just did that?"

Yolei shook her head. "No way. That was just a warm up." She put the four Jacks face up on the Table of Mysterious Fortune. "So remember, Cody is diamonds, Davis is clubs, Ken is spades, and TK is hearts." Then she clapped her hands together. "Okay! Ask a question, any question."

"How are our Digimon doing?" Davis asked.

"Yeah, how's the Digital World?" TK asked.

Yolei looked annoyed. "No, no. You ask a question like, 'Which one is the cutest?'"

Cody looked at the others, frowning.

Davis sighed. "Yolei, that's so stupid!"

"If you don't want to pay attention you don't have to!"

"Why are we even here? This is such a girly game."

"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?" Kari asked. _Just because I'm a girl, doesn't mean I don't think it's stupid_. Of course, she didn't say that aloud.

"Look, if none of you guys want to watch, then just leave," Yolei growled. "Do any of you want to stay?"

Nobody said anything.

"Fine! Go! Okay, Kari, here's one! Which is the cutest?" Yolei picked up the rest of the deck and started dealing into four piles just below the Jacks. The boys started leaving the area slowly. After dealing out a few cards, Yolei stopped. The card she had just dealt, the three of diamonds, had just landed on the Jack of diamonds. "Cody is! See, you deal them out like this, and when the suits match, that's who!"

Kari nodded politely. Davis laughed. "Cody, did you hear? You're the cutest!"

"Okay, how about… Who will Kari have kids with?" Yolei asked, starting to deal more cards out in the same way.

Davis heard the question and peered over, pretending not to be watching. The others stopped too, waiting for him. "Come _on_, Davis," Ken said.

"Kari will have kids with Ken!" Yolei announced. "Wait, wait. Do-over." She dealt out more. "Okay! Kari will have kids with TK!"

"Hey! No, do-over, do-over!" Davis commanded, rushing back over. "That's not fair. Do it again."

"Only one do-over is allowed," Yolei said, crossing her arms. "But if you are near the cards, they will work better for you."

Davis plopped down next to Madame Yolei's Table of Mysterious Fortune. "Okay! Come on, guys!"

TK sighed. "Well, better not have any more reason for Davis to obsess over Kari. That's just getting annoying." He went over, followed by Cody and a more reluctant Ken.

"How about, 'Who will Kari kiss next?'" Davis submitted.

Kari shook her head wearily. "Davis, why don't you just have your fortune told?"

"No!" Yolei protested, dealing out the cards. "Aha. Kari will kiss Cody next."

Cody turned bright red. Davis glared at him angrily and said, "These aren't good ones! Ask about, uh…" He turned red.

Yolei glared at him. "Davis! Not in front of Cody!"

Cody sighed. "I'm not that young…"

"Yeah, Kari and I knew about that stuff when we first went to the Digital World," TK said.

Yolei gasped. "TK! You were only eight!"

Kari shrugged. "We do have older brothers, you know…"

Yolei shook her head. "Okay, okay." She glared at all the others, except Ken, who hadn't contributed to that conversation and had instead looked embarrassed. "What about… Who will Kari marry?"

Kari shook her head, but Yolei was already dealing cards out. "Yolei," said the other girl, "I doubt I'm going to marry any of them."

Rivers of tears streamed down Davis's face, but Ken agreed with Kari: "Yes, there are only four choices. And there are about 6 billion people in this world."

"And only half of them are male," TK added.

"But only one is me!" Davis added.

"Well, half of the world's population certainly narrows it down," Cody said, ignoring Davis.

"That is, unless Kari likes both boys and girls," Ken said.

Now it was Kari who fell over. "I don't!"

Yolei gasped. "Not in front of Cody!"

Cody shook his head. "I go to the same school as you guys! I can't be that much younger than you!"

"That's because in Japan there's elementary and middle combined, and then high school," TK said informatively.

"Of course, that might not be true and it's just something the author is making up," Ken replied dryly. "After all, it's not like she knows anything about schools in Japan." Davis threw a rock at his head. "Hey! What was that for?" Ken demanded.

Davis shrugged. "Sorry, man. The author made me."

"Okay, this is getting too weird," Yolei said. "WHO WILL KARI MARRY?"

"I think you already asked that," Kari pointed out. "Remember?"

Yolei stopped. "Oh yeah." She frowned. "WELL NOW I'M LOST!"

"Uh, do-over?" TK supplied.

"You just want her to be confused because you were watching!" Davis accused. "And the true person Kari will marry is me, it said!"

TK rolled his eyes.

"YOU JUST COULDN'T HAVE THAT, COULD YOU, TP?" Davis said, crossing his arms and leaning back like a Brilliant Detective on TV.

"Uh, 'TP'?" Cody asked. "Like toilet paper?"

Davis grinned as if he had meant to call one of his best friends an abbreviation for toilet paper. "Yes!"

"Why can't you learn his name?" Kari asked, annoyed.

"Yeah, how hard is it?" Ken contributed.

"Well, maybe it's easy for a genius like you," Davis muttered.

Yolei slammed her hands down on the table, making everyone jump and stare at her. "I HAVE HAD JUST ABOUT ENOUGH OF YOUR CONSTANT CHATTERING!"

Kari stared at her. "Maybe Yolei should be a teacher instead of me…"

"No, I think she'd scare the little kids too much," Cody said.

"You would know!" Yolei snapped. "You're only like two years old! What are you even doing in middle school!"

"We went over this before, Yolei," Ken sighed. "I almost got hit by a rock?"

"Oh. Right." Yolei calmed down and smiled at Ken. "Okay! So who will Kari marry?"

Kari fell over. "That was a fast recovery…"

Yolei dealt out the cards slowly and suspensefully. "Kari will marry…" Everyone crowded around her. Kari was leaned over on her elbows, forgetting temporarily she thought this was stupid. TK and Cody were on her left, kneeled around the Table of Mysterious Fortune and leaning towards Yolei. Davis was half-standing, half-sitting, with his hands lying against the table. Ken sat also, leaning against the Table trying to look nonchalant, but failing. When SUDDENLY!

Yolei slapped the card down. "Hmm, who's the Jack of Spades again? I mean… do-over!" Everyone fell over except her.

Kari sighed and watched as Yolei dealt out more cards. Again, they landed on the Jack of Spades.

"That's Ken!" Cody said.

"No it's not!" Davis and Yolei both yelled at the same time.

Ken cleared his throat. "I think it is, actually – "

"I said it's not!" the two replied, again in unison.

"Ken is the Jack of Spades!" Cody said, triumphantly. "Now that Kari and Ken are getting married, I guess you and I have to, Yolei."

She ignored him. "Do-over again!"

"You can only do the do-over once, I thought," TK mused.

"Shut up!" Davis shushed him. "If she does another do-over, maybe you'll get picked!"

"Then you'd make her do another do-over," TK reasoned. "You're only allowed one do-over, or else it's not fair!"

Davis jumped up. "Don't tell me about things not being fair! You're good at basketball and all the girls love you!"

Cody was enjoying this, now that he had decided he and Yolei were getting married. "Including Kari," he added evilly, which was very unlike him and so earned him the blank stares of everyone but Davis and TK.

Davis sank to his knees, hands to his head. "Nooo!"

"Do another do-over," Kari told Yolei. "No offense or anything, Ken…"

Ken shrugged. "None taken. I know you'd rather get TK."

Davis threw another rock at his head.

"Stop!" Ken glared at him. "You don't have to do what the author tells you to!"

"Uh… yeeeah… the… author…" Davis said guiltily, with shifty eyes.

"Okay, so we've decided, another do-over?" Yolei smiled.

"Doesn't it go against the laws of the Table of Mysterious Fortune?" Cody brought up.

"Uh… Look, Cody! An ice cream truck!" Yolei began dealing quickly.

Cody fell over. "Yolei! Stop treating me like I'm five!"

"Yeah, he looks more like a three-year-old to me," Davis decided.

Cody glared at him. "At least I don't act like a three-year-old!"

"Well… well…" Davis thought a moment. "You look like one!"

Cody sweatdropped.

Kari rolled her eyes at TK. He smiled back. Luckily, Davis didn't notice.

Yolei slapped down a card, making everyone look. She grinned proudly. "The ten of spades has appeared on the Jack of spades. THEREFORE, Kari will marry the Jack of spades," she said.

"Uh, Yolei…?" Kari said gently. "The Jack of spades is Ken, remember?"

Yolei's smile froze. She glanced down at the card, then back at Kari, then at Ken, then back down at the card. Finally, she picked up the cardboard box that was Yolei's Table of Mysterious Fortune and flung it across the room. "RRGH!"

The others backed away slowly. Yolei began running around her room, biting things and hitting the walls with a mallet. "YOLEI ANGRY!"

"Ken?" Cody asked.

"Yolei," Ken called out, "Please calm down."

Yolei smiled, dropped the mallet, and came back over. "Okay, I'm better now."

There was a silence.

Kari finally broke it by saying nervously, "I guess that's the end of that game, huh?"

Yolei nodded, her slightly frightening smile still plastered on her face.

There was another silence. Kari glanced at TK, who glanced at Cody. Cody looked at Yolei, then at Ken. Ken looked to Davis. He was about to look back at Kari again when she sent him a glare. TK elbowed him, urging him to say something.

"Uh, wanna go to the Digital World?" Davis asked.

Erm, well, that ended up being more odd than I thought. xDD

Chapter two will come next. More stuff will happen. :3


	2. Jack of Diamonds

**Chapter Two: The Jack of Diamonds**

I haven't watched Digimon season 2 in FOREVER, so I completely forgot if Ken goes to the others' school or not. o-o; I know he doesn't at the beginning, and I don't think he transfers, but… in this he does. Sorry if he doesn't. xD

"So anyway, students, the talent scouts from _Beautiful Children_ will be around here for the next week," the principal of their school said. He motioned to the three people standing behind him.

"They'll pick Kari for sure," Davis said. All the Digidestined were sitting together.

"I don't want to be on _Beautiful Children_," Kari said. "That show's so cheesy."

"What? What are you talking about?" Yolei asked. "I love that show! Everyone's so nice, and they're always hugging each other."

"It's completely fake," Ken said.

"How do you know?" Yolei demanded, though not as loud as she would have been with anyone else.

"Uh, I was on it, remember?"

"Oh, right." Yolei thought back. "That was back before we knew you."

"You mean when he was the Digimon Emperor?" Davis asked tactlessly.

"Uh, Davis…" TK elbowed him.

"What?" Davis asked.

"You can be so clueless sometimes," Kari hissed.

"Aww," Davis sulked.

"WHO ARE THOSE CHILDREN TALKING BACK THERE?" One of the _Beautiful Children_ scouts demanded, seizing the podium from their principal. She was a stern-looking woman with her blonde hair pulled back so tight that her face looked stretched.

"Oh, hmm… That looks like…" He squinted at the Digidestined. "Uh, who are you rude children? The lights are too bright to see… Oh! It's Davis Motomiya, of course. And Yolei Inoue…" He continued to squint, trying to see.

"Oh, crap," Yolei said. "One more time 'disturbing the school' and I have to go to detention!"

"One more time I get detention, I get suspended," Davis one-upped her.

Ken stood up. "Sorry, sir. I was just telling them all about what the set on _Beautiful Children_ is like." He smiled at the woman.

Her face turned from stony to (slightly) understanding. "Why, it's Ken Ichijouji!"

Another talent scout pushed to the microphone. "Ken! Oh, it's so nice to see you!" She was older than the blonde woman, but was wearing clothes that looked like they were meant for a twenty-year-old. Her curly brown hair was extremely large and surrounded her head in a hairsprayed haze. Davis shuddered at the sight of her.

"It's nice to see you too," he said politely.

"Oh, kids, Ken here is one of our _Beautiful Children_ children!" the huge-haired woman said.

"He pushed our ratings through the roof," said the third scout, a glasses-wearing man who carried files with him. He was barely visible behind the hair woman.

"Ken saved us!" Yolei rejoiced.

"Anyway," said the principal, taking over the podium again, "Some classes will be filmed or monitored by the talent scouts as they try and find children for their next show."

"They'll pick you for sure, Kari," Davis said.

"You already said that," she told him.

Ken sat back down and Yolei leaned over. "Thanks for saving me!"

"Uh, no problem," he said.

"How can they just tape our classes?" TK asked. "Don't they have to get it approved by our parents?"

"I think it's okay if they just use it to find someone," Cody said.

"Where does it say _that_ in the rules?" Davis asked.

"Hey, who's talking?" the principal demanded again.

"Uh, it was Ken!" Davis yelled.

The principal smiled. "Oh, Ken! Sorry to interrupt your conversation."

"It's fine," Ken said.

"He said that to me once too," Davis hissed. "He was being sarcastic though."

"That's because you're _Davis_," Yolei reasoned. "He's _Ken_. You can't compare."

"Oh, thanks!" Davis growled.

"I don't think Yolei meant it in a Davis-bashing way," Kari said. "More like a… well, the principal gets mad at anyone who talks that isn't Ken."

"Oh!" Davis grinned. "So you're saying you love me?"

"Uh…?" Kari looked around, not wanting to hurt his feelings. "Hey, doesn't that blonde lady look like Arukenimon?"

Davis looked back at the woman and started laughing uncontrollably.

"No, not really," Cody said.

"I know," Kari whispered. "I was trying to distract him."

"WHO IS THAT LAUGHING?" the blonde lady demanded.

"Ken, of course!" TK yelled back.

The blonde lady smiled. "Well, I guess it was a pretty funny joke!" She laughed along with Davis. "Oh, Ken, you crack me up!"

The Digidestined (minus Davis) all stared at the woman blankly.

"What joke?" Cody asked TK.

"Uh, she's on drugs. Go along with it."

"Not in front of Cody!" Yolei yelped.

"Yolei!" Cody fell over anime-style.

"WHO IS THAT WHO FELL OVER?" the principal sighed. "You must respect our guests! Whoever you are, you will be in detention until Tuesday! Who are you, you rapscallion?"

"KEN!" all the Digidestined shouted at him.

Davis laughed harder at hearing the word 'rapscallion'.

"Oh, Ken!" the principal said. "You're such a comedian. And our finest student! And, of course, our soccer star! What a well-balanced child! Can we have a round of applause for Ken, please? And this assembly is over!"

Everyone started clapping, except Davis, who had stopped laughing also. "SOCCER STAR? KEN?"

Cody glared at them all. "Why is Ken the star of this chapter? It's supposed to be about me!"

"Oh, right," Kari said. "Well, let's go." They filed out, each heading to their classes. Kari, TK, Davis, and Ken went to one room, Yolei went to another, and Cody went to yet another.

"Hey, remember that card thing?" Davis asked.

"Well, yeah, it was just yesterday," TK said.

Davis ignored him. "Anyway, I thought we should do it again. Except maybe each Jack could be a Davis card!"

Now everyone ignored him. "Speaking of that," Ken said, "I wonder if any of it will come true?"

The others laughed. Ken shrugged. "Maybe I am as funny as they say I am."

"You know, Ken, for a genius, you just said a really silly thing," Kari laughed.

"The thing about me being funny?"

"No, the thing about the fortunes coming true."

"Yeah, I guess," Ken said. "It was a stupid thought. Don't tell Yolei I said so, though."

They had made it back to their classroom and sat down.

"She wouldn't care. She worships the ground you walk on," Davis pointed out.

"She does?" Ken asked, oblivious.

The others shared 'he's so clueless' glances.

Their class had started, and their teacher was going over a series of very boring equations. Kari began staring, bored, out the window of the classroom, when she suddenly saw Cody being pulled by the blonde woman outside the school. Davis noticed too.

"Hey, looks like Arukenimon got Cody!" he said, a little too loudly.

Their teacher turned around with an annoyed look on his face. "What was that!"

"Uh, Ken?" TK tried, attempting to save Davis from his detention and suspension, at the same time Kari said, "My stomach."

"Who?"

"My stomach!" Kari said, elbowing TK. "Can I go to the bathroom?"

"Uh, sure."

Kari raced out of the classroom and went to go see what was going on outside. Was the blonde woman kidnapping Cody? Or was she just showing him a flower patch in the school garden? Either way, it would beat sitting in that boring classroom, even though she sat next to TK. She shook her head to clear it. _Don't think about TK! You're his friend, that's all – he said so himself!_ She stopped walking for a moment. Where was she going again? Oh! _Cody's being kidnapped, you horrible selfish person!_ she thought guiltily as she ran outside.

"Cody?" she called out. She saw him sitting on a huge… duck sculpture?

"Cody, what are you – " Then she saw that a photographer was taking pictures of him. The people from _Beautiful Children_ were gathered around.

"Cody, is that your friend?" screeched the enormous-haired woman.

Cody looked to see Kari. "Kari!" he cried, happy to see someone familiar and not insane.

"Oh, Carrie, is it?" the woman grabbed Kari's arm.

"Uh, no, Kar – "

"I know!" the woman said brightly. "Cody and Carrie – the new IN couple!"

Kari and Cody both sweat dropped.

"Uh, Cody's just a little kid!" Kari protested. "I'm about five years older than him…"

Cody fell over. Blonde Arukenimon pulled him back up onto the duck statue.

"I'm two years younger than you!" Cody wailed. "Don't be like Yolei!"

"Shh, honey, the grown-ups are speaking," big hair told him patronizingly. Blonde Arukenimon pet his head, trying to be all gentle, but Cody winced and many strands of hair were pulled from his head.

"Carrie, you'd be perfect for our show! Come on! Sit on the duck with Cody!" Hairspray woman tried to drag Kari over, but Blonde Arukenimon, apparently a wrestler in another life, had to fling her over the duck.

"Put your arms around him!" the photographer ordered. Kari obeyed reluctantly.

The photographer snapped a few still shots. "Now, Kari, lean forward and kiss him on the cheek, okay? And hold that position!"

Kari stared at the photographer. "What?"

"Oh, come on, it'll be sweet!" the huge-haired woman said. "Just like those adorable pictures of naked babies holding hands and giving each other flowers!"

Kari and Cody stared at her. "I hate those," Kari muttered.

"Me too," replied Cody. "It's like child por – "

"Not in front of Cody!" Kari warned, channeling Yolei, then blinked. "Oh. Uh, right."

"Kiss him already!" the photographer yelled. Kari still was reluctant. Why would she ever kiss Cody? He was so much younger than her.

"No, thanks," she started to say, then noticed Blonde Arukenimon slowly walking towards her, a menacing look on her face.

Kari shut her eyes tightly and leaned forward, trying to kiss Cody on the cheek. Only, with her eyes closed, she missed and accidentally kissed his left eye, which he had closed just in time. Cody couldn't help but laugh at Kari's aim. The photographer snapped more shots, and finally Kari opened her eyes and pulled away, bright red.

"That was so cute!" the woman with the hair squealed. "Carrie, it was great how you kissed his eye."

"I kissed your _eye_?" Kari asked, bewildered.

"Yeah," Cody said. "Uh, couldn't you tell?"

"No, not really. I wasn't exactly paying attention."

"Now, let's interview you!" the hair woman said brightly. "Jim! Camcorder!"

The photographer replaced his still camera with a video one. Kari stared at it. "What about lighting, and everything? And you use a _camcorder_?"

The photographer, Jim, nodded. "Impressive, isn't it? And what do you mean, lighting?" He looked up at the sky. "Look, the sun's out. It's afternoon. That's a good time for shooting stuff."

"It's the worst time!" Kari objected. "Did you ever even _study_ photography?"

"And rolling in 5… 4… PLAY ALONG, CODY AND CARRIE…2…1!" the blonde Arukenimon told them.

Huge hair jumped next to the duck sculpture. "Hi! It's me, Trish, here to interview Cody and Carrie, a young, doting couple! Now, here's a question for Cody. How did you know Carrie was the girl for you?"

Cody scratched his head. "Uh…" Blonde Arukenimon flashed her teeth at him like a wolf, reminding him to play along. "She… made me cookies," he said flatly.

"Cookies? Oh, wonderful! What kind, Carrie?"

Kari glanced around, trying to look anywhere but at Blonde Arukenimon's frightening face. "…Sugar cookies."

"Oh! Is that why I heard Carrie's pet name was 'Sugar' and Cody's was 'Cookie'?"

"Uh, no, as a matter of fact. Surprisingly," Cody said blankly.

"Any tips on being a cute couple like you are?"

"Drink milk?" Kari guessed.

"What kind of milk?"

"Does it matter?" Kari was getting annoyed by this stupid, cheap show.

"Carrie, how much do you love Cody?"

"My name's Kari!" she snapped, jumping up. "And I don't love Cody! He's not even my boyfriend!" She paused. "Sorry Cody. I do love you as a friend still, of course."

Cody shrugged. "It's okay. I know about TK."

Kari turned red. "Wh-what?"

Trish gasped. "Why, it looks like Cody's caught his young girlfriend cheating on him with a mysterious person known only by the letters 'TK'!"

Kari shook her head. "Aggh! I have to get back to class! I'm supposed to be in the bathroom, and this cheap show has actually made me sick!" She stormed off.

"Carrie appears to be sick," Trish informed the camera. "Cody, what do you have to say about Carrie cheating on you with this TK character?"

Cody stared at her. "I… I… don't know!" He ran off too.

Trish blinked and looked back at the camera. "Obviously, Cody has gone through a traumatic breakup with the sinister Carrie." She looked down mournfully, then looked right back up again, grinning and getting way too close to the camera. "But, the good news is, girls, he's single again!"

"Anndd… CUT!" Blonde Arukenimon announced.

Two days later, all the Digidestined were at Cody's house, watching TV as Cody's grandpa drank prune juice and did kendo behind them.

"Does your grandpa ever stop playing kendo?" Davis asked.

"You don't _play_ kendo," Ken corrected him.

"My head hurts from the whacking sound," Yolei complained, rubbing her head.

"Well, let's go somewhere else, then," TK suggested.

"Wait!" A thought came to Yolei's mind. "_Beautiful Children_ is on now! Let's see if they picked anyone from our school?"

"Okay, sure," Kari said. She did hate the show, but at least Trish's annoying voice would drone out the kendo sounds.

Cody glanced at Kari, and whispered to her, "You don't think they… uh… used our pictures, right?"

Kari shook her head, whispering back, "No, they have a live show with an audience. Our interview was just to see if they wanted to use us in it."

Davis frowned. "What are you two whispering about?"

"Uh, nothing."

"Here it is!" Yolei announced.

Kari looked to the TV to see the picture of her kissing Cody's eye and him laughing. She and Cody fell over. "Ack!" Kari yelped.

"What… the…" Davis turned around slowly and stared at Kari, wide-eyed.

Yolei grabbed a mallet and whacked Kari. "KARI! Cody's only six!"

"Ow!" Kari rubbed her head.

"I'm not six!" Cody cried. Everyone ignored him.

"Is something going on with you two?" TK asked, eyebrows raised.

"No!" Kari shook her head frantically.

"Then what's this?" Ken asked, pointing at the picture.

"Wait, listen to what they're saying," Yolei shushed them.

"_These are Cody and Carrie. A cute couple! Or so it seems…"_ came Trish's voice. The picture was ripped in half, and Trish's head popped in between it, her frightening hair too big to fit in the shot. "_For our closing segment today: When Beautiful Children Turn Ugly…_"

"Carrie?" TK asked.

"_Now, I'll interview them to see what they're like. Remember, sometimes hidden secrets come out on film!"_ They played the interview on TV.

"Oh god," Kari gasped when it finished. She couldn't look at TK.

Yolei was laughing. "That… was… hilarious!"

Kari glared at her. "Maybe for you!"

Trish's face popped back on the screen. "_We just got word from an insider that the reason Kari was sick is because… well, she's pregnant!_"

Everyone fell over anime-style.

Kari nearly passed out. "WHAT IS THIS TRASH?" She threw a pillow at the TV.

"This trash is Trish," TK tried to comfort her. "Don't worry. Nobody will believe this garbage."

"_We have identified the father as… Codename TK!"_

"WHAT?" Now it was TK's turn to throw a pillow at the screen. "THAT LYING LITTLE BI – "

"NOT IN FRONT OF CODY!" Yolei threw her pillow at him.

"I was going to say, uh… big haired… person," TK said lamely.

Davis cowered in the corner. "You two are scary when you're mad," he said.

"I think it's because they don't get mad very often," Ken offered.

"Well, I'm mad now!" Kari glared at Trish's face.

"_We will be searching the halls of Carrie and Cody's school to try and find this TK rogue! He won't be able to hide!_" Trish said, with a frighteningly evil laugh. "_Join us next time, on _Beautiful Children!"

Yolei switched off the TV and they sat in silence for a moment, before Cody's grandpa jumped towards them. "WHO WANTS PRUNE JUICE?"

The next day at school, a group of girls ran up to Cody to try and console him.

"Ohmigod, we're soooo sorry about what happened with you and that Carrie!" one said.

"Yeah, we totally are. But none of us will cheat on you!"

Cody laughed nervously. "Oooookaaaay…"

Kari, however, was being attacked by different girls with the same thoughts. "HOW COULD YOU BREAK CODY'S LITTLE HEART LIKE THAT?" one screamed at her.

Luckily, Davis was with her (not that she had ever expected to think that before). "Look, it's Cody!" he said, and he and Kari ran away.

"This is driving me _crazy_," she told TK, Davis, and Ken when they got to class.

"Me too," TK sighed. "I already have a meeting with the school guidance counselor."

"Same here!" Kari commiserated. "When I saw her in the hall, she told me there were a lot of 'options'!"

"Well, what are you going to do with the baby anyway?" Davis asked.

Kari collapsed on her desk. "There isn't one!" she cried, just as an eraser hit TK on the back of the head.

After school was over, Kari and TK vowed to find Trish and force her to take back what she'd told everyone over national television. But they had barely started to march down the hall when they were attacked by vicious Cody fangirls.

"WE HATE YOUU!" one yelled, throwing her shoe at Kari.

"Uh, maybe we should find Trashy Trish tomorrow and just get out of here!" TK suggested, grabbing Kari and running away from the crowd.

"How much longer is it gonna be like this?" Kari asked after they had made a getaway and were walking home, paranoid.

"It depends if they have anything else on that horrible show, I guess," TK sighed. "Uh… by the way, why _were_ you kissing Cody's, er, eye?"

Kari turned bright red. "They made me," she said. "They threw me on the duck statue and told me to kiss his cheek."

"Duck statue?"

"Uh, nevermind."

"Cheek?"

"I missed."

TK laughed. "I wonder what gave Cody the idea you and I were going out?"

Kari's back stiffened. "Yeah, it's a pretty crazy idea, isn't it?" she snapped. "Why would anyone ever think something as stupid as that?" She knew she was being annoying and stupid, but she couldn't help it. She had arrived at her building and she walked quickly away from TK.

"Kari?" he called after her, confused.

_Ugh, why did I even bring that up? Now he'll think I like him. Which I do. But still. He only thinks of me as his best friend, who he's known forever. The classic story of guy and girl friends. Well, besides the whole Digimon thing. And National Television broadcasting that I'm pregnant, and everything._ She glanced back. TK still stood there, a bemused look on his face. Then Cody fangirls jumped on him from behind the bushes.

Kari sighed and went up to her apartment.

The next day, after school, everyone was at Cody's again. The doorbell kept ringing, and Cody's grandpa had taken the phone off the hook because it was interrupting his kendo training. Every time Cody refreshed his email inbox, he had new messages from fangirls.

"This is insane," Yolei said grouchily. "I wasn't even on TV _or_ going out with someone on TV who was cheating on whoever they were going out with only not really, and people have been coming up to me all day, asking if I'm really friends with _the _Cody."

They took a moment, trying to understand what she had said about cheating, then gave up.

"Seriously," Ken said. "Your fans are even worse than mine."

"How is that possible? What's the craziest thing one of yours has ever done?" Cody asked.

Ken thought a moment. "Hmm… one got some of my hair somehow and braided it together with hers, then sent it to me."

Yolei turned red.

"What about you?" Ken continued.

"Uh… someone sent me her toenail clippings constructed together into a heart."

"Cody's are definitely crazier," Yolei said quickly. "I mean, the hair thing? That's just a nice, thoughtful gift."

Everyone stared at her.

The doorbell rang again. Davis jumped up. "I'll get it!" He looked outside to see a magazine lying on the ground. Opening the door, he picked it up and headed back inside.

"What's that?" TK asked.

"Uh… you're not going to believe this," he said.

Cody's grandpa's kendo practice died down and prune-juice-slurping started.

Davis threw the magazine at Cody, who caught it, looked at the cover, and nearly died.

"BEAUTIFUL CODY MAGAZINE?" Yolei screeched as she read it over his shoulder.

"What!" Kari, TK, and Ken all said at once.

Ken looked over Cody's other shoulder and read what the front said. "'Cody, the eternal survivor. Betrayal, cheating, dumping… he's been through it all.'" He stopped and sighed. "'Special features: Why Carrie cheated… Who is TK?... The Battle for their Baby: Whose is it and who will keep it?'"

On the cover was the eye-kiss picture, ripped in half. Cody opened up the magazine slowly, his hands shaking.

"Look what it says there!" Yolei gasped. "'Breaking News: Cody has been elected Cutest Boy of the Year in all countries!'"

"Wow… Cody's world-famous…?" Ken asked. "And what contest is that, anyway?"

"And I'm world INFAMOUS?" Kari said with disbelief.

"So is TK," Davis said, trying to cheer her up.

"Cody, you're going to be rich," Ken said. "If this is even a real contest." He flipped through the magazine. "Hmm, candid pictures of you, Cody. And someone sent in baby pictures of you."

Cody's grandpa started laughing, startlingly, looking around at all the new prune juice he had bought with his money.

Suddenly, Yolei screamed.

"What was that for!" Davis demanded.

"THE… THE CARDS!" Yolei spluttered. "Cody was the Jack of diamonds!"

Ken shrugged. "So what?"

"So… so… Cody is going to be rich! And to Kari, remember, he symbolized money!"

"That's just a stupid coincidence," Davis snapped.

"Then why did the cards get everything else right about Cody too!"

It took them a moment. "Cody was the first person Kari kissed after the card thing," TK realized.

"And Cody's also the cutest!" Davis brought up.

They all stared at him, and he rolled his eyes. "It's in the magazine!"

"Does that mean… the fortune telling was true?" Kari gasped.

Ken nodded. "It seems that way so far…"

TK laughed. "Now come on. Do you really think ordinary playing cards could predict the future? Besides, Ken's not going to marry Kari, and I'm not going to have kids with her."

"How do you know?" Yolei asked mysteriously. "They've been right so far…"

Suddenly, the lights went out and everyone screamed. Cody's grandpa came in with a kendo stick that, for some reason, had a flashlight attached to it. "Not again!"

Cody sighed. "Don't worry, you guys. That's been happening for awhile. A fangirl probably just chewed through the wires again."

"Uh, okaaay." TK shrugged.

"Or maybe…" Yolei grabbed the kendo stick and held it under her face. "It was the cards!"

"I thought they predicted the future, not turned off lights?" Davis asked.

Yolei threw a rock at him. "Sorry, sorry, the author, remember?"

Did the cards really predict the future? What will happen next? Well, unless you can tell the future too, you'll have to keep reading! (harhar, so funny x-x) Please review! Or I'll sic Blonde Arukenimon AND Trashy Trish on you. xD


	3. Jack of Clubs

**Chapter Three: The Jack of Clubs**

_This chapter's gonna be really short, sorry. D: Plus if you didn't read the ones before this, it won't make any sense. Like at all. xDD_

"Hey Kari! Wait up!" came a familiar voice from behind the brunette. She turned around to see, just as she had thought, Davis racing after her.

She offered him a smile and shifted the groceries she was carrying a bit. "Hi, Davis," she said.

"Were you shopping?" he asked. "Can I help you carry anything?"

"That's okay, I got it all."

"Let me take one, at least!" Davis tried to take one of the heavy bags from Kari and their hands brushed. His face turned red.

"Fine, fine." Kari gave up and let him take it for her. "But be careful with it; most of Tai's food is in there," she warned.

"Don't worry!" Davis reassured her. "Been attacked lately?"

"Well, not today. I haven't been answering my phone, though."

"One of the Cody fangirls wanted me to give him stuff to sign," Davis said. "I have a whole pile of it just sitting in my locker everyday. I'm not really sure how they figured out my combination, though."

"Cody's fans are surprisingly crafty," Kari said.

"Too bad our Digimon aren't here! Then they could protect us!"

"Do you need protecting?" Kari asked, amused.

"What? Oh, uh, no! Of course not! I meant you, of course. Gatomon could fight them for you." He grinned at Kari. "After all, I can take care of myself."

She frowned. "And I can't?"

"No! Uh, of course you can! Just… Cody's fans don't really want to kill me, just give me stuff to sign. I'm not really in danger!" He paused. "Well, if I was, then I could take care of myself. Wait! So can you!"

Kari giggled at his confusion. "Okay, Davis."

A random fangirl with a camera popped out of the bushes, making the two jump. "SAY CHEESE, CARRIE!"

"It's Kari," the brunette corrected grumpily, not attempting to move as the flash went off.

"Yay! Now I have proof that you not only were cheating on Cody with that shady codename TK, but also with… uh… who are you?"

"Davis," he said.

"David! Right!" The fangirl hurried off.

"Davis, why did you tell her your name?" Kari asked, exasperated.

"Well, uh… I don't know."

Kari thought of headlines that read 'CARRIE AND DAVID SECRET LOVERS' and grimaced. Maybe that's what Davis had had in mind. She shook her head and continued walking.

"Uh… Kari?" Davis asked, suddenly for some reason looking younger than Cody.

"Yes?"

"Do you think that maybe… uh… Yolei's card game is going to come true?"

Kari bit her lip, then laughed. In truth she had been wondering the same thing, but it had to be a coincidence with Cody's new Cutest Boy status and their dreaded eye-kiss. She couldn't start believing in this stupid stuff – after all, she had to be level-headed like usual and try and bring Yolei back down to earth. "Of course not, Davis. There are such things as coincidences, you know."

"I know! But… it's kind of a big coincidence. I mean, Cody becoming famous? You kissing Cody when you're obviously in love with me – uh, I mean, someone else?"

Kari shot him a look. "You're starting to sound as gullible as Yolei."

"I know, it's stupid! But what if…" He trailed off.

"What if what?"

"What if it's true?"

"Davis, if it's true, then I will go out on a date with you."

Davis dropped the plastic bag he was carrying. There was the sound of bottles breaking and whatever else was in there sloshing around together, sad and contaminated. Davis didn't seem to notice and picked the bag up again.

"DAVIS! That was all Tai's food!" Kari sighed. "He's gonna kill me!"

"Will you… really?"

Kari was annoyed. "Will I really what?"

"Go out with me!"

She sighed. "Yes, if it's true, I said. And it's definitely not, and now my older brother is going to eat me alive from lack of other food."

Davis didn't even hear her. "I'll make reservations to the fanciest restaurant around! We can dress up and I'll rent a limo!"

"Okay, Davis." Kari was downtrodden. There was nothing worse than a hungry and angry Tai. And she was standing right outside her building. "Bye, Davis." She took the dilapidated bag from his hands and went inside her apartment sadly.

Davis stood frozen there for a long time, until a dog peed on his shoe and the owner, a former Ken fangirl and new Cody fangirl, snapped a picture.

The next day, the same picture was featured on _Beautiful Children_, and Trish talked about the wave of destruction and broken hearts Carrie left in her path.

_Okay, the end. xDD Yup, seriously short. That's because Davis was never an answer they got. X3_


	4. Jack of Spades

**Chapter Four: The Jack of Spades**

_Okay. :3 If you haven't read the others, do it, or you will be confused beyond the universe. Or… something… o-o;_

_Anyway, if you remember, Ken is the Jack of Spades, so therefore this chapter is about him (and his fortune with Kari). X3_

A large, veined hand slapped down a paper on a desk. It belonged, fittingly, to a large, veined woman, with blonde hair pulled back so tightly it looked like her circulation was being cut off. Her lips, injected to a full thickness of an inch each, were pursed in agitation, and her wrinkle-less eyes were narrowed into tiny slits. She was young enough, but her whole body positively reeked of plastic surgery.

Next to her was another woman, this one older, whose hair shot out in huge curled tendrils. Her hairsprayed monstrosity almost made her look like a modern Medusa – if it wasn't covered with tiny little bunny clips that were more suited for someone about twenty decades younger (or so it seemed). Her clothes were also too trendy and revealing for someone who could easily have passed for a dinosaur's grandmother.

Obviously, the sight of both women (but mostly the blonde) was frightening the poor young intern who cowered in front of the desk.

"Leia, I will _not_ allow any more of this nonsense!" the blonde woman shouted.

"Uh, what nonsense?" came the squeak of the starving college student who had been offered an internship at _Beautiful Children_. It seemed like the perfect job at the time: it wasn't like it paid anything (it was only an internship, after all), but Leia had always wanted to be in television. Now she wasn't so sure. Blonde Arukenimon had seen it happen millions of times, but blamed it on the 'weak-willed lightweights' who collapsed under the pressure of working for her.

"This!" Blonde Arukenimon pounded her plastic nails on the magazine she'd thrown down. Leia ventured closer tentatively.

" 'Miranda's new boyfriend'," Leia read, confused.

"Do you see anything on the cover about Cody, Carrie, or codename TK?" Blonde Arukenimon shrieked. Rivers of spit flew out of her mouth, surprising Leia. She hadn't thought her boss had anything like saliva still in her. Hadn't she gotten it removed?

"Uh, no."

"The Carrie issue is being ignored! And when this is ignored, our ratings go down!"

"I'm sorry…"

"Not yet! You will be! The whole thing is cooling down because nothing new has happened!"

"Maybe you could… uh…"

"Shut up, I'm talking! Now…" Blonde Arukenimon looked at Trish. "Do you have any ideas?"

Trashy Trish thought for a moment. "We need something big… no, something huge! We can't let Carrie get out from under the radar!"

"How can we do that?" Blonde Arukenimon asked. "She's been playing it cool for awhile now."

"We could always intervene," Leia suggested.

Blonde Arukenimon turned to glare at her. But Trish paused. "I think I have an idea."

-x-

"How much longer until the _Beautiful Children_ people leave our school?" Kari groaned, collapsing back onto the couch she sat on. The other Digidestined sat next to her, except Yolei, who paced around TK's living room.

"I think it was only supposed to be a week," Ken answered.

"They're still here and it's been almost a month," complained TK. "I have to keep hiding whenever I see cameras and big hair coming."

"At least you don't have the fangirls and you're only a mysterious lurking codename," Cody sighed.

"I'd rather have the fangirls," TK pointed out.

"Who wouldn't?" Davis interjected. "Anyway, they'll probably leave soon. They haven't had a show with anything new for a long time."

"Please let them leave soon," Kari prayed.

Cody nodded. "It's not like they'll make any money sticking around somewhere there's no news at."

Ken frowned at him. "You shouldn't end a sentence with a preposition."

"You just did!" Davis exclaimed.

"No, I didn't. 'Preposition' is a noun."

"But it's still a preposition. Because the word preposition means preposition. You ended a sentence with a preposition because you ended the sentence with the _word_ preposition!" Davis seemed very proud of himself.

"Arrgh, shut up!" Yolei finally screamed. "We have more important things to do!"

"'Do' is a preposition," Cody said.

"No it's not, it's a verb! Don't they teach you anything in preschool?" Davis almost threw a rock at him before Ken restrained him.

"Violence is not the answer," came his sage-like reply.

"And we know you have all the answers, Mr. Digimon Emperor!"

Yolei shoved Davis off the couch, then threw the couch _at_ him, occupied as it was.

"Yolei's as strong as Blonde Arukenimon," TK observed.

"And as scary too," Kari added.

"SILENCE!" Yolei ordered. "Now, doesn't anyone remember my fortune-telling?"

Davis groaned, though it could have been from the weight of the couch on him.

"Quiet, you!"

"How could we forget?" TK sighed. "You just brought it up an hour ago."

"Well, it's an important problem! Everything I predicted has come true so far!"

"I haven't married Ken yet or had kids with TK," Kari pointed out.

"Well, you're pregnant with codename TK's love child," Ken said.

"Not in front of Cody!" Yolei commanded. "Uh… please, Ken?"

"What part of that doesn't Cody know?" Davis muttered. "It's on TV every day."

"Anyway! The rest might happen soon, which is a scary thing to all of us," Yolei said spookily.

"Yolei, they're just cards," Kari reasoned.

"And I guess it was all a _coincidence_ that Cody became named the Cutest Infant in the World or whatever _and_ that you eye-kissed him!" Yolei crossed her arms. "Just like the fortune said!"

"It was actually Cutest Boy of the Year, in all countries," Cody supplied proudly.

"Okay, that was kind of strange," Kari agreed with Yolei, to Cody's dismay. "But a deck of ordinary playing cards can't predict the future. It just doesn't make sense."

"A lot of things in our lives haven't made sense," TK said. "Take our Digimon, for example. Monsters from a parallel world who are made up of computer data and who can change shape and form to fight?"

"Well, it makes more sense than Pokemon. They can't even talk," Ken said. Everyone stared at him blankly, until Davis threw an author-sent rock at him.

"Anyway, stranger things have happened," TK finished.

"I just don't believe that something like that could happen," Kari admitted, shaking her head.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang. There were sounds of high-pitched giggling outside. Davis looked happy. "Oh, it's TK's girlfriends! I knew it! Kari, I can help you fix your broken heart."

"I thought Kari never liked TK?" Ken smirked at Davis.

"Uh, she didn't!"

Kari felt her traitorous face flush again. "Well, _someone_ get the door," she said.

Yolei went and answered it. "Hello…"

"WHERE'S CODY? WE WANT CODY! WHERE'S CODY? WE WANT CODY!" chanted the girls who stood on the other side of the door.

"Sorry, wrong place. This is TK's house."

TK fell over. "Noo! YOLEI!"

"TK! This is codename TK's house?"

Yolei was suddenly attacked by fangirls, scratching and biting to get in.

"Lemme at him! He stole Carrie from Cody!"

"Poor Cody! Let's get revenge!"

"Maybe Carrie's here! We can kill her too!"

"Go away!" Yolei ordered, trying to shove them out the door again.

Ken suddenly appeared by her side. "Ladies, please. This is not the best time. Codename TK is not here."

They instantly calmed down. "WHERE IS HE THEN?"

"He fled the country," Yolei said, nodding.

"Hey! You're Ken Ichijouji, aren't you?" one fangirl squealed.

"Uh, yeah." Ken looked a little scared.

"Ohmigod! I can't believe I'm seeing you in person!"

"Ahh! Ken Ichijouji!"

"It's him, it's really him!"

"I was your biggest fan before Cody became famous!"

"I'm still your biggest fan!"

"Will you go out with me?"

"Uh… please… what would Cody think?" Ken asked.

"Oh, that's right."

"Darn!"

"Poor Cody! We can't break his heart too!"

"Sorry, Ken… we can't go out with you!"

"Yeah… we already have a boyfriend."

"We're sorry to break your heart!"

"Can we still be friends?"

"NO!" Yolei suddenly got a burst of strength and shoved the fangirls out the door, slamming it behind them.

"What were you saying about the Cody thing being over?" Kari glared at Davis. "This thing is still huge! It's not going to be over for a long time."

Davis shrugged as best he could while being crushed by the couch. "I guess I'm just ahead with the trends."

-x-

The next day at school, Kari, TK, Davis, and Ken were all sitting in their class when a strange man came in, an excited look on his face.

"Hi everyone! Your normal teacher was surfing in Kentucky this weekend and broke his cheekbones! I'll be your substitute for a few weeks!"

"Our normal teacher surfed?" Davis wondered out loud. "Cool."

"Doesn't he have a name?" Ken wondered about their usual teacher.

Davis, of course, threw a rock at him. When Ken glared at him, rubbing his head, all the maroon-haired boy said was, "You know too much."

"Doesn't _he_ have a name?" TK asked about their sub.

"I do!" the man said, hearing him. "I'm Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana!"

Everyone stared at him.

"It's Antarctican," he informed them, proudly.

"Can we call you like… something else?" a girl asked.

"No! I am Antarctican! I am very proud of being Antarctican! Call me Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana!"

"Well, there goes our chances of having a normal teacher for once," Kari muttered.

"You! Detention!" Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana said, pointing at her.

"UNDER WHAT CHARGES?" Davis cried, leaping up.

"Slander! You have detention too!"

"UNDER WHAT CHARGES?" Davis asked again.

"Disrupting the class!"

Kari sighed. "I didn't mean to be rude – "

"You were!"

TK frowned. "Look, she didn't mean anything by it."

"Detention!"

"Me?" TK asked.

"Yes!"

"I have basketball!"

"No, you have detention!"

"Hey, I have soccer!" Davis realized.

"You had soccer! Not anymore!"

Davis fell back into his chair, shocked. "I've never missed soccer before." He then looked at Ken. "Best friend! Do you magic!"

Ken sighed and stood up. "Excuse me, sir… my friends here didn't mean to be disrespectful. They're only a bit tactless, and blurt things out sometimes. I can vouch for them… they really mean no harm."

"Detention!"

Ken stared at him. "Wh-what?"

"Detention!"

"Me? Detention?"

"I don't think you know who you're talking to, Mr.," Davis said. "This is Ken. Ken Ichijouji. He doesn't _get_ detention."

"That is true! He doesn't get detention, he _has_ detention!"

Ken shook his head. "You can't do this! I can't get a detention! What about my perfect attendance and behavior record?"

"Say goodbye to your future!" Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana declared.

-x-

"Hello, Detention students," Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana said.

Sitting in his room were Kari, TK, Davis, Ken, and Cody. Yolei sulked outside.

"I will be going to get my coffee, and then I will be back shortly. And then, I will tell you what we will be doing for our Detention project." He jumped out of the room.

"This is terrible," Ken sighed, collapsing on his desk.

"Cody, how'd _you_ get Detention?" Davis asked after patting Ken on the shoulder.

"I was passing his room and I accidentally walked too loudly," Cody said sadly.

"This guy is way too Detention-happy," TK muttered.

"And what's this 'Detention project'?" Kari asked. "Aren't we just supposed to sit around and think about what we've done?"

"You know he's gonna make us clean his car with toothbrushes or something." Davis sighed.

"I would have thought he's more of the type to make us write a fifty thousand word essay on Antarctica," Ken mumbled.

"He's coming back," warned TK.

Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana walked in, sipping a cup of coffee and glaring at them all. "Now, as for our Detention project… when I give Detention, it is for a week, not just a day as you're used to."

"What?" Davis gasped. "That's not fair!"

"Would you like me to make it two weeks?"

"As much as I'd like to get all _Breakfast Club_ on you, no."

"All right. I will let that go since I have never heard of whatever it is you're talking about before. Our Detention project will be… doing a play!" He jumped in the air, spilling his coffee on the ground a little.

"A _play_?" Cody repeated. "I can't act!"

"This play," Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana went on, "will not be performed in front of anyone but me. It will be on our stage, however, or wherever you want to have it take place. If you perform this well, I will erase the Detentions from your permanent record. If you do not perform well, I will not only keep them there, I will give you another week of Detention."

Everyone stared at him in horror.

"Now, the play we will be doing is one I wrote myself. It is called _The Heart_. In it, a young girl falls in love with a man. However, her brother and parents hate the man she falls in love with. They learn to respect him after a long time."

Davis fell over. "That's it?"

"No, not quite. You see, I grew up in Antarctica." He stared fondly off into the distance. "And so all my writings are set there."

"So we have to pretend we're in Antarctica?" Kari asked.

"No! You will _be_ in Antarctica. Make me believe you truly are!"

"Uh, okay…"

"Oh, and there is another surprise for you. You will find it in the script. Now, I will leave, but shall be returning every so often just to make sure you're working. Here are the scripts."

Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana threw down a pile of scripts and they each took one.

"Oh! One more thing. The casting!"

"We don't get to pick?" Cody asked, worried.

"No, of course not! Let me see." He stared at their nametags. "Penny, the young girl, will be played by… Kari. Her father Penicillin will be played by TK. Penny's brother Tuxedo Sam will be played by… Cody? And the mysterious stranger, Sonny, will be played by… Ken."

Davis raised his hand. "What about me?"

"Oh, that's right! Davis, you will play Pennsylvania, Penny's mother."

"WHAT? I'm a guy!"

"Oh, I know. But you and TK will look nice together."

They both fell over. "WHAT?"

"Isn't 'Tuxedo Sam' like… copyrighted?" Cody wondered.

"Cody watches Sailor Moon!" Davis mocked.

"Davis is married to TK!" Cody shot back.

"SILENCE! Now, work on your play. I will be checking back in on you." Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana had a sip of coffee and then slid out of the room.

"Well, this sucks," TK sighed.

"We have to do this really good," Cody said.

"We have to do this really _well_," Ken corrected.

"It doesn't matter!"

"It actually does when you start school," TK said, patting him on the head. "You'll learn how to say the alphabet!"

"It's not called the alphabet in Japanese!" Ken said.

Davis threw a rock at him and Ken threw one back.

"Look, we have to do this!" Kari said, annoyed. "Does anyone else want to have detention for another week?"

Nobody said anything, then Davis said, "Cody does."

"Okay, let's run through this!" Ken said. "I'll narrate, I guess."

They all opened their scripts and began reading the first scene.

"'The scene opens to show the family. Penny is reading, Penicillin is paying bills, Pennsylvania is knitting, and Tuxedo Sam is playing the piano,'" read Ken.

"Penny, whatever are you reading?" Penicillin/TK asked.

"I am reading a book about romance," Penny/Kari read.

"And how is it?"

"It is good."

"I remember when I was your age. I always wanted to be in love," Pennsylvania/Davis read, sadly.

"Until you met me! Then you _were_ in love!" Penicillin/TK said.

They all laughed heartily as instructed in the script.

"Ugh, this is _terrible_," Ken complained.

"That's not in the script!" Cody frowned.

"Davis, it's your turn," Kari prompted.

"Penny, do you want to be in love?" asked Pennsylvania/Davis.

"Yes. I would like that. But I fear I could not love any of the boys around here," Penny/Kari said, boredly.

"Why, whyever not?"

"For you see… None of them have stolen my heart."

"You do not love any of them?" Penicillin/TK asked.

"No, Papa."

"And you will never?"

"No, Papa."

"Then who will you marry?"

"Perhaps someone who does not live in our village."

Penicillin/TK stood up. "I will not have you marrying outside our village! You are a Penguin, Penny, and you will not marry anything else!"

They suddenly all froze.

"A… _penguin_?" Davis gasped.

"Oh dear," Kari sighed.

-x-

They had been working on the play for four hours every day that week, and finally it was time to present it to Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana. It had turned out even worse than they'd thought: Sonny was a seal, and at the end, Penny and Sonny got married with the blessings of the penguins. They were running through Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana's favorite scene, what he called 'the romantic heart of the play'. He had assured them that if they didn't have that scene perfect, he'd hate their play.

"Sonny! I ran all the way here to see you!" Penny/Kari said.

"Penny! What is it?" Sonny/Ken replied.

"Sonny, I realized that I am in love with you!"

"What? You, in love with me?"

"I know it is horrible and that you do not love me like I love you. But I cannot help my feelings!"

"Penny, I also love you!"

They hugged.

"I am so happy, Sonny!"

"As am I! But what of your family, Penny?"

"I do not care what they think anymore! I love you!"

"I love you too!"

"Oh no! I must go, Sonny. My father must be wondering where I am!"

"Wait, Penny!"

"Yes?"

"Penny, will you marry me?"

"Oh, Sonny, yes! Yes I will my love!"

"Now go! Hurry back to your village! But meet me back here tomorrow night and we shall have our wedding!"

"I will, Sonny!"

"Be safe, Penny! Be safe…"

They both left the stage and Tuxedo Sam/Cody came out. "They do not think that I overheard them! I must tell my parents!" He ran after Penny/Kari.

"Okay, good job," TK said. "I think this is the best we can do with these lines."

"Ready to go to the auditorium and do it on stage?" Davis asked.

"Ready!" they chorused.

"Everyone have their costumes?"

"Uh, we're wearing them," said three penguins and one seal.

"Good! Let's go! Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana is waiting for us."

They left the classroom and began walking towards the auditorium. Suddenly, Yolei emerged from the shadows.

"Hello, everyone," she said coolly.

"Uh, hi, Yolei. You want to see our play?" Kari asked.

"No, I do not. I have just come to mock you in your costumes!"

"Well, here we are," TK shrugged.

"MUAHAHAA!" Yolei shrieked.

They hurried past her and reached the Auditorium.

"She's been acting strange like that ever since we got Detention," Cody said.

"She's jealous, I think," Davis said, opening the door.

Kari laughed. "Of what? The fact we get to act in this… _wonderful _play?" She smiled innocently at Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana, who was standing near the door.

"Well, you all look very nice! Are you ready?"

"Ready as we'll ever be," Davis muttered.

Nobody noticed the small, nervous woman in the back of the room with the video camera.

-x-

After they had done the play, they all went to Yolei's house to celebrate and also to try and make her less jealous. She was still acting frostily but less so since Ken had hugged her and told her he'd missed her.

"I'm so glad that's over!" Davis smiled.

"Then why are you still wearing your penguin costume and your Pennsylvania pearls?" Kari giggled.

"Uh… why don't we see what's on TV!" Davis said quickly, grabbing the remote and turning on the TV.

Familiar music played and they all groaned.

"Not _Beautiful Children_," TK sighed. "Yolei, have you been watching this again?"

"Maybe!"

"Change it, quick!" Kari tried to get the remote from Davis. It slipped away and went sailing across the room.

Trashy Trish's face popped up. "Hello, and welcome to _Beautiful Children_! Breaking news! Carrie has now gotten married!"

The remote fell with a crash, as everyone stared at the screen, shocked.

"That's right! I bet you're wondering who she married!"

"I sure am," Kari growled.

"Cody, her former love, whose heart was broken?" The ever-famous picture of the eye kiss was shown.

"Codename TK, an enigmatic mystery who got her pregnant?" Another picture was shown, this one with simply a question mark.

"The answer is… neither! Carrie has now sunk her vicious claws into genius and prodigy Ken Ichijouji!"

"WHAAAAAAT?" Yolei screamed. "HOW COULD YOU?"

"What are they _talking_ about?" Kari gasped.

"Here's footage from their secret wedding! It was so secret, in fact, that they dressed as animals and used fake names! Watch carefully, because you'll see three characters who tried to stop the wedding! They are also wearing animal disguises because they tried to blend in and stop the two from getting married!"

A video of the horrible play was shown on TV. It was during the wedding scene and Kari and Ken were holding flipper/hand things.

"Penny, I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you!"

"Sonny, I also love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you!"

"Stop the wedding!" TK came running on stage, Cody and Davis following him. All were dressed as penguins.

"Oh no! What are you doing here?" Kari asked.

"You cannot marry him! I love you too much to let you!" Cody declared.

"And I do as well!" TK agreed.

"I tried to stop them, but I could not!" Davis cried.

"You can't stop me! I love him!" Kari exclaimed.

"And I love her!" Ken added.

"Once we kiss we will be married forever!" they both said at the same time. Then they leaned forward and made their costumes kiss awkwardly. The top of Kari's penguin beak, which was above her head, touched the top of Ken's seal mouth, also above his head.

"NOOO!" TK and Cody yelled at the same time.

The clip ended and Trashy Trish's face reappeared. "Wasn't that horrible! Now Carrie has broken two hearts! We believe that the taller penguin was in fact codename TK! Keep watching, we'll have more soon!"

Kari retrieved the remote and turned off the TV. Nobody spoke for a moment.

"Well then," TK said.

"She's ruining my life!" Kari groaned.

"Mine too!" Cody mumbled. "I got out of the shower and someone had written 'MARRY ME CODY' in blood on my mirror!"

"You were in the shower?" Yolei gasped. "You know you might slip and hurt yourself. You should have your mommy wash you in the sink."

Cody fell over. "YolEEEEIIII!"

The blonde boy nodded. "Now everyone thinks I'm some secret agent or something that goes around ruining people's relationships! Every time I say my name, people ask me if I'm codename TK."

"Now everyone thinks I ruined all these relationships too," complained Ken.

"And people think he's married to Kari!" Yolei added.

"You all have it easy," Davis hissed. They all looked to see him curled up in the fetal position on the couch. "I was on National Television in a PENGUIN COSTUME and PEARLS, talking in a horrible high pitched voice!"

"You're still wearing the costume and pearls," Kari told him for the second time.

"And it's not like your voice is normally all manly and tough," Cody informed him.

"YES IT IS!"

Yolei screamed. "Wait wait wait! It happened again! Kari, you married Ken! The cards! The cards the cards the cards! They're RIGHT!"

"Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana made us get married," Kari groaned. "It's just a coincidence!"

"And nobody would have known about it if Trashy Trish wasn't lurking in the auditorium shadows or whatever," Davis agreed.

"That's it! Cody, _Beautiful Children_ made you famous. They were the ones who put the eye-kiss on TV. And they showed Kari and Ken's play wedding on it too! Nobody would have thought any of this stuff if _Beautiful Children_ wasn't putting it on their show!" Yolei said.

"That doesn't make it any less of a coincidence," said Cody.

"No, but it does mean one thing," Kari said.

"What?" asked TK.

"It means war," she growled.

Everyone stared at her. "Kari, you're scary when you're vengeful," Ken said.

"Not as scary as Yolei!" said Davis.

"Hey! Oh, I guess that was sort of a compliment." Yolei smiled. "Thanks!"

Kari sighed. "You guys, this was supposed to end after I said that, so it would be all dramatic."

"Oops, sorry. Go again?"

"Okay. This does mean one thing," Kari said.

"What?" TK asked again.

"War," Kari growled.

"Uh, I think you did it wrong," Ken said.

Davis threw a rock at him. "DUDE, SHUT UP!"

"You're supposed to say 'it means war', not just 'war'."

Kari fell over. "Ack! Fine! This does mean one thing!"

"What?" TK repeated.

"IT MEANS WAR," Kari shouted, glaring at Ken. He smiled back and gave her a thumbs up.

_That's it for this chapter! Thank you to everyone who's reviewed, you make me want to write more. The last chapter should be up soon… Please review and I will have it up soon…ER. xD_


	5. Jack of Hearts, part 1

**Chapter Five: The Jack of Hearts**

**part one**

_Okay, I had to split this chapter up into two parts cause it's just so darn long. xD But I finally got the next chapter (er, part of it anyway) up, yay! The second part should be coming soon, as it's summer now and I have tons of time to write. :3_

It was almost time for it to be over. Kari sat on her bed, head in her hands, waiting. Her elbows dug into her knees, but she didn't care. She barely noticed, she was so lost inside her own frantic thoughts. What if it was true? What would she do? Finally, the timer beeped, and she pressed the button on it, switching it off. It was time to know. She slowly rose and crossed to her dresser, where she picked up the small object with shaking hands.

Her eyes widened as she saw the results.

"I… I'm pregnant," she said with a gasp, trying to make herself believe it. "With TK's baby."

Suddenly, a beeping sound was heard again. She looked to the timer. "What now? I turned you off!"

It continued to beep.

"This is kind of an important part of my life right now," she said. "Can you please be quiet? I have more important things to worry about, like me being pregnant!"

Then she realized where the beeping was coming from, and she looked to her bedside table. "Ohhh… my alarm clock!" It started beeping incessantly.

Kari woke up, hearing her real alarm clock beeping. "Ughh…" She turned it off and lay on her back, then slowly touched her belly. It was flat. (Well, not _flat_, as she _had_ been eating a lot of chocolate these days, but definitely not pregnant.)

"Okay, then," she said to herself, relieved. "Just a dream." Then she laughed. "I guess Yolei's card thing is really getting to me."

"Hey, sis?" came Tai's voice.

Kari blinked. "Uh, what?"

"Can you shut up, please? It's my winter vacation, even if you're still in school for a week."

"Oh! Sorry!"

"And next time, try not to talk to yourself. It's kind of embarrassing. For you."

Kari nodded, then realized he couldn't see it. "Okay!"

"Wait, isn't it Sunday?" Tai realized.

"Yeah, but I have to go to Cody's early today!"

"Oh, okay. Have fun. Try not to elope with TK," Tai snickered.

"Grr!" Kari kicked the bottom of the top bunk.

"Ow!"

"See, there _are_ advantages to having the bottom bunk!"

She closed her eyes for a moment before getting out of bed. She would be so happy when it was her winter break. Then the stupid _Beautiful Children_ people couldn't stalk her as much. True, she might have to stay inside and hide the whole time, but if it made them lose interest in her, then it was only too worth it.

Unless… their plans would make Trashy Trish, Blonde Arukenimon, and Jim the Failure Photographer leave them alone forever. And they might do just that.

So she had to forget about her dream and head over to Cody's house. It was time for war preparations.

-x-

"Water balloons?"

"Check."

"Cherry bombs?"

"Check."

"Machine guns?"

"Um, I think this is getting a little out of hand…" Cody's eyes were a bit wide as they stared at Kari.

"Not really."

He still seemed nervous. The small-looking child wrung his hands, which didn't prove very effective in keeping hold of the clipboard that held their war plans and materials. It clattered to the floor of Cody's living room, and he hurriedly picked it up again, hands slipping from the thin line of sweat that coated them. The sweat, unfortunately, made the clipboard drop once again, and he dove to catch it as it fell – only to fall himself.

Kari looked down at him, feeling sorry for the crumpled heap of Cody on the floor. "Look, you haven't had your life ruined by these people. They might have made you Cutest Boy in the Universe or whatever, but they hate me and live to see me suffer."

He frowned at her. "But isn't this against the only-fight-if-you-have-to message that all our battles in the Digital World preach?"

A rock came flying in through the window and hit him on the head as he was struggling to get up. Cody slumped back down again.

"No, and I'll explain exactly why in this extremely moving speech," Kari said. "For you see, EMERGENCY REPORT: WE EXCUSE THE INTERRUPTION, BUT AN IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT MUST BE MADE. WILL THE OWNER OF A RED CAT PLEASE COME PICK IT UP, AS IT IS ENDANGERING THE ENTIRE PLANET OF MERCURY. THANK YOU. PLEASE STAND BY AS WE RESUME THE PROGRAM. And that is why we must fight!" Kari finished, holding one fist in the air.

Cody wiped away a single tear from his eye, then applauded wildly. "I understand completely!"

"Good!" Kari smiled. "Machine guns?"

"Check!"

-x-

Meanwhile, the others were completing their war duties.

TK and Davis had been partnered together and assigned to plan the steps of war.

"Well, we could always just water balloon their set," Davis offered.

"We came up with that already… It's on the list twice."

"We could set fire to their set."

"That's on there too, only on the 'illegal' list."

Davis snorted. "Illegal? We're minors!"

"Right, and juvie is just an armored bus ride away."

"Girls like bad boys. Hey, do you think they'd give me a tattoo in juvie? Do you think Kari likes tattoos? I could get one with her name on it."

"She doesn't like bad boys," he told Davis. "Yolei asked her before, remember?"

"Ugh, TK, why do you have to come up with all these illegal activies for us to do?" Davis leapt across and grabbed their war plans. "Let's stick with legal ones, jailbird!"

TK sighed. "We don't have that many to choose from… Hopefully Ken and Yolei are doing better with their war plans."

-x-

"Ahh! I'm falling, I'm falling!" Yolei screeched, clinging to the tree branch that was slipping out of her grip.

"Yolei, you're not high up," Ken reminded her, and she glanced down to see she was barely two feet in the air.

Yolei promptly bit the branch off the tree and threw it into the street. "It's the _tree_'s fault. Trees aren't supposed to make branches that close to the ground."

"Well, we'll have to find another way to get into the building, then," Ken said. Yolei's plans had all been unrealistic and probably stolen from _Harriet the Spy_. There had been the credit card to break through the backstage door, the hiding in the laundry cart, and the latest, climbing up the tree adjacent to the _Beautiful Children_ studio building to try and jump in the top open window.

"We've tried _everything_," Yolei sulked. "What else could we even do?"

Ken shrugged. "We can try going in the front door."

Yolei stared at him. "Ken," she said carefully, "I know you're a genius and amazing and whatever. But that'll never work. No offense."

"Let's just try," Ken said. "This way, you won't fall. And the _Beautiful Children_ people don't know who you are."

"What about you? You're one of the evil Carrie's lovers – BUT NOT REALLY, RIGHT?"

"Um, right. But nobody wants to kill me, anyway. Maybe I'll just blend in… It's not like I attract attention, anyway."

Yolei's mouth hung open. "You attract attention like flies attract denim!"

Ken tried to make sense of this. "Um… thanks? I think…"

Yolei smiled at him. "But, yeah, hopefully they won't see you. Which they won't. Won't won't see you, I mean. Which means that they _will_ see you. Y'know?"

Ken nodded blankly. "Exactly."

They walked over to the front door of the studio, Yolei glancing around nervously and Ken strolling nonchalantly. He opened the door for Yolei, and she hurried through, too exalted at his gesture to remember she was supposed to be performing Intense Espionage.

Ken's plan seemed to work at the beginning; nobody really noticed them. But once they walked about twenty feet and reached the security gate, a stern-looking man glared down at them. "Can I help you?" he snarled.

"Uh…" Yolei stammered. "We, uh…"

"We're on the show," Ken said. "Don't you remember me from last time? Ken Ichijouji?"

Recognition flashed over the man's face. "KEN! YES! I DO!" He enveloped Ken in a huge hug, nearly making his victim's eyes pop out. Ken gasped for air.

"Uh, Mr. Security Guy?" Yolei ventured. "I think you're crushing his lungs a little bit there."

"Oh!" Mr. Security Guy released Ken. "Thanks for telling me, girlie!" He patted Yolei on the back, sending her flying forward through the metal detector. "Well, that worked out," he said, shrugging. "You go on too, Ken!"

Ken smiled. "Thank you," he said, then walked through the metal detector. Unfortunately for him and basically the whole operation, it happened to beep.

"FREEZE!" Mr. Security Man yelled.

Ken's eyes were wide. "What just happened?!?!"

Mr. Security Man suddenly appeared in front of him with a baton. "I'll need to detain you for a little while to check you more carefully. You may go on, girlie."

"But… but…" Yolei gasped. "I… can't!"

"You have to!" Ken said. "To, ah, tell them I'm coming."

Yolei took a deep breath, then sprinted down the hall, dodging people and getting some very strange looks. Ken and Mr. Security Guy also stared after her.

"So, uh, you're gonna have to strip down," Mr. Security Guy told a red-faced Ken.

-x-

Kari and Cody were sprawled on the couch, drinking prune juice.

"So then I woke up, and there was broken glass all over my floor. It spelled out 'DIE CARRIE', only they spelled die wrong."

"How do you spell die wrong?" Cody asked.

"Aw, sweetie, don't worry! You'll learn how to spell soon, I promise!"

Cody fell over. "I _know_ how to – "

"They spelled it with a 'y'. Like 'DYE'. I guess a lot of them are only around your age and can't read very well yet."

"Karrr-eeeee!" Cody protested.

"Hey, I wonder when they'll be getting back…" Kari said. "It's almost dark. Shouldn't they have come back by now?" She stood up and crossed the room to the front window, looking out of it.

"Worried about TK, huh?" Cody asked innocently.

Kari turned around. "Wh-what?"

Cody shrugged, drinking more prune juice. "It seems like you like him."

Kari turned red, walking toward him quickly. "No it doesn't! Not at all! Not one bit! Where would you get that idea? No, really, who told you that? Who told you and how do they know?!"

Cody stared at her. "Uh… Are you okay?"

"How _would_ they know, I mean?" Kari corrected herself, blushing even more. "I've never told anyone that. Cause I don't. Like him."

Cody sighed. "Oh, Kari, your fragmented sentences tell me otherwise."

"Cody, how did you learn those grown-up words?"

"We're talking about you, not me!" Cody cried. "Tell me! Do you like TK?"

Kari stared at him. "This is too weird! I can't tell my ex this kind of stuff!"

"Yeah, that's true… I'm sorry I asked… I guess I'm just curious because I never really got over you, and – hey, wait, I'm not your ex!"

Kari blinked. "Oh, right. Stupid media! Sometimes the media lies. They don't always have the right information, for example. One piece of information could be that paperclips were invented in the late 500's, but it isn't necessarily true. Paperclips are nice, don't you think? Which kind do you like better, the simple kind or the one that kind of looks like an ugly purse? You know, the one that kind of snaps together? I like TK the best. Ah! I mean… paperclips! Paperclips paperclips paperclips!"

"Kari! You _do_ like him!"

"I think a very good idea would be to drink tons of prune juice," Kari said. _After all_, she thought to herself surreptitiously, _Cody's grandfather has a terrible memory, and he drinks this stuff all the time_. Sure, it was a long shot, but maybe prune juice _did_ take away your memory. Kari couldn't take any chances.

Cody shrugged, nodding a bit. "That doesn't sound like too bad of an idea," he said. "My grandpa has like fifty 12-packs, but he went to the store to buy more, so we can have a lot."

Kari nodded, then finished her packet of prune juice with a gulp. "I'll need a refill!"

-x-

"Well, nobody ever said we were highly creative," TK sighed.

"My teachers did," Davis argued. "That's what they always say on my report cards." He cleared his throat. "'Davis's impulsiveness and impatience cause him to upset the learning environment in the classroom. He is a highly creative boy, but sadly lacks the practicality to carry out any of his hare-brained schemes.'" Davis smiled proudly.

"Uh, that's not really a good thing…"

"Wait! I have an idea!"

TK frowned at him. "This better not involve arson…"

Davis glanced around to make sure nobody was listening, then leaned in close to TK. "Okay, here it is…"

-x-

Yolei flew through the halls frantically, her hair following her in lilac tendrils. She wasn't exactly sure where she was supposed to be going – maybe she should have conferred with Ken more? She saw an arrow painted on the wall with "Dressing Rooms" on it. Yolei stopped for a moment, frowning. She knew she was supposed to go check out the stage, but this sounded more intriguing. After all, she saw the stage when she watched _Beautiful Children_ every day. Not that she watched for any other reason than to see if they were saying anything else about her friends, of course! It wasn't like it was her favorite show or anything. Not at all!

She reached a staircase and climbed it, ending at a row of corridors. She felt slightly lost until she saw another sign that pointed her in the direction of the dressing rooms, which she followed. Unfortunately, that was when she came across the second security station, with its own bulky guard.

"Who are you?" he demanded roughly.

Yolei sighed. Why was everything so much easier when Hawkmon could get rid of all the obstacles? She tried to think fast, and attempted a Ken-like maneuver. "What, you don't know me?" she gasped, incredulous. "I'm… Sora Takenouchi!" She paused for a second, not exactly sure where that name had come from. Yes, she'd tried to use a fake name, but that one had ended up… not being so fake after all. Oh, well. She doubted this guy would remember what he'd had for breakfast, much less her alias.

"Can't say I know who that is," he said. "I have a list of everyone who's on the show tonight." He picked up a clipboard and read the list. "Sorry, you're not on here. You're gonna hafta leave."

Yolei bit her lip. "Okay, here's the thing… I got switched at the last second. I'm on it now. You can check with anyone… That tennis girl from England, Jess Winters, broke her… ear drum. So they brought in me… The best tennis player in Japan."

The man thought for a moment. "Well, I don't follow tennis… I guess you could be telling the truth…"

"Yep. And how would I know who was going to be on the show tonight if they didn't call and tell me? I bet your list is old, and it still says 'Jess Winters' right there."

The man nodded. "Yeah, it does…"

"So can you just let me through, then? The show's starting kind of soon and it takes me forever to get ready. I don't want that genius from Bolivia to get the good dressing room like he always does."

The security guy shrugged. "Okay, that makes sense. Come on through, but don't tell anyone I let you through without calling them first, okay?"

Yolei nodded, smiling. "Thanks! Um…"

"Mr. Cardboard," he said.

Yolei stared at him for a moment, then smiled. "Uh, okay! Thanks, Mr. Cardboard!" She hurried through the metal detector and down the hall. "See you later!"

She ran to the end of the hall and turned the corner, then stopped to get her bearings, grinning to herself. She did it! She had gotten past both security stations, and now she was at the dressing rooms. She knew she was incredibly lucky that Mr. Cardboard didn't follow tennis or know anything about his show – on _Beautiful Children_, they always announced who would appear in the next episode (Yolei had just _happened_ to be watching it when Trashy Trish had said Jess Winters and that genius from Bolivia were going to be on it).

"Yolei Inoue, Master of Deception," she cackled to herself, "has successfully infiltrated the system." She wasn't exactly sure what 'the system' was, but it sounded better than the studio dressing room hall.

There were five doors on each side of the hallway, and one at the very end with a star on it that read "Trish's Room". As always, Yolei gave in to her curiosity and snuck to the end of the hall. Before she reached it, however, she noticed that the two rooms at the very end of each wall (both next to Trish's room) were marked "Manager's Room" and "Director of Photography's Room".

Yolei blinked, staring at the two doors. Why would Blonde Arukenimon and that one guy have dressing rooms if they didn't appear on the show? (After she asked herself this, a rock appeared out of nowhere and slammed into her head, with a note tied around it that read "LOVE, THE AUTHOR".)

Yolei shook her head and bit the bullet, opening the Director of Photography door first.

The room was empty. The only thing inside it was a large pedestal with the ever-present camcorder on it. "Weird…" Yolei murmured. "And creepy." She left that room quietly and gulped before opening the door to Blonde Arukenimon/Manager's room.

This looked like a huge office, and like the camera room, had nobody in it. Yolei entered, closing the door behind her. Everything seemed pretty ordinary, but there was a big white curtain in the far corner of the room that just called out to be messed with. Yolei scampered over to it and peeked behind it.

She jumped back, eyes wide. Behind the white curtain was, in actuality, a medieval torture machine. Yolei screamed and ran away, leaving Blonde Arukenimon's room and slamming the door.

The only remaining room was Trashy Trish's. She was the one most likely to be in her dressing room, but Yolei had to see what was in there. She opened the door a crack and poked her head in. This was the only one that looked like a dressing room, with the regular bulbed vanity – only, she noted, it was much bigger, with ample hair space. Tons and tons of hairspray bottles littered the vanity. Yolei checked the room, saw nobody was in it, and crept in.

She investigated the hairspray bottles, reading the labels Trashy Trish had taped to the side. They each had a number on it, and Yolei guessed she used each kind of hairspray in one sitting, always going in that order. She counted up to thirty before she gave up, realizing there were hundreds and possibly thousands left.

Suddenly, there was a noise from the back of the room. Yolei jumped, realizing that there was another door back there. Feeling incredibly stupid, she sped out of the room and closed the door behind her, just as she heard Trashy Trish's loud voice proclaiming, "I don't care _what_ you do to Miranda! Just get her out of the magazines so the Carrie-Cody-codename TK-baby-story gets covered!"

Yolei fled.

-x-

Kari and Cody were still drinking prune juice when they heard the doorbell ring. Jumping up, they hobbled over to it and opened the door slowly to see Davis and TK.

"We have a plan!" Davis announced proudly. "I came up with it! Just for you, Kari!"

"Eh? What's that you say, sonny?" Kari asked. "My hearing's not what it used to be these days."

"Uh, are you okay?" TK asked.

"Have some respect, whippersnapper," Cody scolded. "In my day, youngsters like you respected their elders!"

"I heard him loud and clear! Pull up your pants, young men! Tuck in your shirts! Cut your hair, Mr. Big Hair!" Kari demanded.

Davis sobbed in the corner. "She called me Mr. Big Hair! Like married to Mrs. Big Hair! Like Trashy Trish!"

TK patted his shoulder. "It's okay… It'll be okay…"

"Do you kids have stories to tell us?" Cody asked. "I'd love to hear a good story. Just let grandpa sit on the couch and put his feet up. Oh, and get me another prune juice, won't you?"

"Yes, be a dear and get granny some more prune juice too," Kari agreed, then managed to walk over to the couch and sit on it. "Oh, my weary bones…"

"Uh… how many prune juices have you guys had?" TK asked.

"About thirty snaflys," Cody said. "You think?"

Kari nodded. "Maybe thirty-one."

"What's a snafly?" asked Davis.

"Eh? Oh, yes… I forgot… They don't use that kind of measurement in schools today. Hmmph, maybe that's why you young people are so rude!"

Cody nodded slowly. "If you don't measure in snaflies, what do you measure in?"

"Well, we use the metric system… But for absolutely no reason, right now we're going to measure in US standard measurements!" TK said brightly.

"But… we don't know that!" Davis protested, looking up from his tears.

"WE DO NOW," said TK forcefully. "Don't make the author throw a rock at you! So how much is one snaflie?"

"Eh… Maybe… 162.18 gallons?" Kari said. "Do you younguns use gallons?"

"162 gallons of prune juice?!?!" TK repeated.

"No, 162.18," Kari corrected.

Davis collapsed onto the ground. "That's so gross! I hate prune juice!"

"Mind your manners!" Cody yelled, throwing a packet of prune juice at Davis.

"I get it… That's why you're acting like old people… Because of the prune juice," TK deduced.

"It was supposed to erase this good-fer-nothing grandpa's memory, but it did less than a one-legged mule did for Admiral Snickerdoodle in the Great War! That's why the Allies lost, you know."

"Uh… they… didn't lose World War I," TK blinked.

"She was trying to make me forget my memory?" Cody gasped. "Well, sonofagun! It's only cause she didn't want me knowing how she was deeply affected by the ever-burning torch of love – "

"Hush, you foul-brained lunatic!" Kari yelped, throwing a packet of prune juice at him. "You're too old to remember anything!"

Davis blinked. "May I just point out the irony of suddenly calling Cody old?"

"NO," Kari roared. "ANSWER THE DOOR!"

TK stared at her. "The doorbell didn't ring…"

"It will ring soon! My trick knee's acting up. It always does that when the doorbell's about to ring!"

Sure enough, the bell rang after a few seconds.

"I'll get it! I always believed in you, Kari!" Davis announced, jumping for the door. He threw it open to see Ken standing there.

"Where have you been?" TK asked. "Where's Yolei?"

Cody leapt up and ran in circles. "YOLEIIII!"

"What happened to your trick knee?" Davis asked.

"That's _me_!" Kari snapped. "If only grandpa here had as bad a memory as you, I'd be fine right now!"

Ken panted, out of breath. "I just ran here from _Beautiful Children_. They didn't let me in, but I found out a lot about the building's layout from the helpfully garrulous security guard." He stared at them suspiciously. "It's not like he _strip-searched_ me or anything! He just talked a lot! Uh, uh… They let in Yolei… I don't know where she is, though."

"You lost Yolei?" Cody demanded. "Well, isn't that just like you impulsive youngsters!"

"Well, don't worry cause here I am!" Yolei yelled, running up the steps. She slammed the door behind her. "I investigated, too. I got in the dressing rooms."

"What about the studio?" TK asked.

Yolei sighed. "NO, I'm so SORRY, but I saw Trashy Trish and Blonde Arukenimon and that guy's dressing rooms!"

"Jim the Failure Photographer, young lady?" Kari asked.

"Yeah, him!"

"We came up with an idea!" Davis said, jumping up. "Can we tell them now? Pleeeease? Please please please, TK?"

"Uh, yeah… Go ahead." TK shrugged.

"NOW LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY, BECAUSE THIS IS OUR IDEA." Davis left the corner and came to sit near them all. "I am about to tell you four this idea, even though it seems this scene is about to end. Sorry, readers!"

-x-

Despite their new lives that revolved around revenge plots, the six Digidestined still had to go to school. And the insane Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana was still there.

He danced into class on Monday with a big smile. "Hello, everyone! I am delighted to tell you that we are doing a new project in here! You will be in pairs with whoever you sit next to."

Kari (back to her normal age) and TK smiled at each other, and Davis jealously watched. "Well, I get to work with my best friend KEN!" he announced.

Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana blinked. "Yes, that's very nice. I would give you detention for speaking out of turn, but I simply loved your performance, Pennsylvania! Anyway, our new project is a wonderful one that focuses on raising children. It was also brilliantly invented by our school! You will each share one of these dolls with your partner. They are virtual babies who have memory cards in them. You must take care of them, and every time you neglect them, it will appear on their memory card. At the end of the unit, we will collect the babies and check the memory cards. This will count as a big part of your grade."

Davis raised his hand. "Do we _really_ have to do this with the person we're sitting next to? Can't we choose our partners? In which case, I call Kari!"

"Pennsylvania, quiet yourself. You will be with Sonny. You will also each be given roles as parents as well as a child to care for. As you can see, this is a completely original idea for a project never performed before!" said Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana proudly.

All the students stared at him.

"Do you want me to throw Antarctican author-rocks at you all?!??!?!?!" he demanded.

"No, sir!" Davis said.

"Wonderful original project," Kari agreed.

"Couldn't be better," said Ken.

"Unless, of course, it included a field trip to Antarctica," pointed out TK.

"I like you, Penicillin! I'm ever so glad you approved of Penny and Sonny's marriage!"

"I wonder how confused everyone else in the class is," Ken muttered.

"Very, but that just means they're jealous that we know more than them!" Davis grinned. "We're so much cooler than any of them!"

"For dressing up in penguin suits and performing the worst play ever written?"

"ACTUALLY, my dear friend Ken, YOU were in a SEAL suit!" Davis said triumphantly. "Who's the genius now?" He looked to Kari. "Didja hear that, Kari? Didja? Didja?"

To his dismay, Kari wasn't paying attention.

"All right, I will now pass out your roles!" announced Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana, leaping over to the first desk. "Draw a card from this lovely Antarctican hat my little brother made me, and that will be your role as parents!"

Davis fell onto his desk with a thud. "Great. I have to be married to Ken."

"It might not be so bad," Ken said optimistically. "Maybe we're actually… uncles, or something. And the child we have to take care of is an orphan, and its parents' last wishes were that we live together and take care of it."

TK blinked. "Uh, isn't that a movie?"

Unfortunately for Ken and his attempt to appease Davis, his friend had already fallen asleep on his desk and was drooling.

"Anyway, we get to pick now, TK!" Kari said. "Do you want to?"

"No, you can… That way if we get a horrible one, I can blame it on you," laughed TK.

Kari reached into the hat and pulled out a card, but didn't look at it. "And if it's a good one?"

"Then it's all due to the luck I give you through being in my team!"

"You're sounding a little like Davis now," Kari smirked.

"Like Davis? No way!"

"Wha? Huh? Yes, Kari? You said my name?" Davis raised his head from his desk, rubbing his eyes.

"Davis, it's our turn!" Ken told him. "Should I pick?"

"Yeah, cause then if it's a bad one I can blame it on you," Davis said, then grinned at Kari. "Good system, huh? And if it's a good one, like maybe it says I left Ken for Kari, then it's all due to my lucky presence."

Kari giggled, raising her eyebrows at TK.

He sighed, though there was a grin on his face. "Okay, I stand corrected. Come on, let's see what we got!"

Kari shook her head. She'd almost forgotten about the card… It was her own fault for being such an airhead all the time. Or, at least, around TK. Not that that meant she liked him or anything.

She squeezed her eyes closed and held the card out in front of her face, then cautiously opened one eye a fraction and read aloud: "Expectant parents who already have a baby to look after. This couple – " Kari tried not to blush too much " – will also get a special baby-belt that must be worn at all times. A device attached to the baby-belt will make sure it is always worn. If the baby belt is removed, an alarm will sound and there will be permanent evidence of removal on the memory chip inside the baby-belt."

"A baby-belt? What's that?" TK asked.

"Did I hear the words 'baby-belt'?" Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana cried. "Who said that?"

Ken cleared his throat. "Actually, since it's hyphenated, it's really just considered one word."

TK raised his hand into the air reluctantly. "Uh, I did, sir."

"Ah, Penicillin! You are the only group to get a baby-belt! Here, I will show you!" Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana danced to one of the huge boxes sitting on his desk.

"Well, ours isn't so bad," Kari said, giggling. "We could have Davis and Ken's."

Davis was re-reading the card in shock for about the thousandth time.

"What does yours say, Davis?" TK asked.

Ken answered for him. "A happily married couple who thinks the world of each other."

"See?" Kari laughed. "It could be worse. And all we have to do is wear some belt with babies on it. That could actually be kind of cute."

"Um, Kari? It couldn't be worse," said TK. Kari turned to see what he was looking at and saw Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana proudly holding up a huge blue belly-looking backpack…thing.

"What… is _that_?" Kari asked.

"It's the baby-belt! You, Penny, are the very lucky one who gets to wear it!"

"That's not a belt! That's a backpack!" Davis yelled.

"Actually, it goes on your front… see?" Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana put on the baby-belt, showing it off. "When clothes are over it, you'll look just like a pregnant woman!"

"I am not wearing that," Kari said dully.

TK raised his hand. "Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana, sir, she doesn't want to wear it."

"She has to! It's part of your project!"

"Does it say she has to?"

"It says very specifically here…" Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana leaped over to the rule book. "Ah! It says _right here_ that one member of your group must wear it."

Kari sighed. "Ughhh… Fine."

"No," TK said. "She's not wearing it."

"Penicillin, she must!" Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana told him.

"She's not going to."

"It's really okay, TK… I don't mind," Kari sighed.

"No, you don't have to."

The bell rang for break. "Penicillin, see me now," Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana said. "All the rest of you may go. You will get your babies soon, but they must be programmed with your names first."

TK stayed at his desk while everyone else left. Kari stood next to him. "Really, it's fine… If it's for some stupid project, I can do it."

"Penny, please leave. Penicillin and I must talk."

Kari sighed and left, then went to find the others outside. Davis was sprawled on a bench dejectedly, while Ken stood by. Yolei glared jealously at Davis – presumably about the project and his role in it. Cody looked confused.

"Well, TK's still talking to him," Kari said. "I doubt Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana will let us pick a new role, though."

"I'm so confused," Cody said. "What's going on?"

"It's just a grown-up project," Yolei said. "Don't worry about it. Babies still come from a stork."

"_Yolei_!" whined Cody.

"Ohh, you're getting fussy. Do you need to be changed?"

"Um… Kari? I don't think you'll have to wear that baby-belt after all," said Ken.

"Huh? Why?" Kari asked. Then she saw TK, walking towards them. He had a huge grin on his face (though he was quite red) and he appeared to be pregnant.

"You're not wearing the baby-belt… are you?!?!" she demanded.

"Yep!" he said brightly. "Now I know you're not proud of me right now, but it's my body, and I can do what I want with it."

"You're not really going to wear that the whole time, right? You're just bringing it over to me?"

"Nope! I told Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana that it was sexual harassment to force the girl in our group to wear it. I said something like that, anyway. I also brought up the fact that in Antarctica, it's the male penguins who take care of their eggs. So he practically begged me to wear it instead of you." TK looked proud of himself, but Kari knew that he was probably embarrassed about wearing it. Everybody would be, except maybe Davis. Somehow he'd find a way to think it made him cooler than everyone else.

"Um, congratulations," Ken said. "You must be so happy to have a new child on the way."

"Dude, that better not be Kari's baby in there!" Davis growled.

"Let's throw a baby shower!" Yolei suggested happily.

"Um, TK? Can I talk to you for a second?" Kari asked.

"Yeah, sure!" TK followed after Kari, who was leading him away. "Just, uh, try to be a little slower…"

"Why? You're one of the fastest kids… oh, right," Kari said. She looked back at TK, waiting for him to catch up.

"I'm waddling as fast as I can!"

Kari figured they were far enough away from anyone. "You _really_ don't have to do this. I can wear the baby-belt, it's fine with me."

TK shook his head. "No, it's okay… You didn't want to. I'm more than happy to. Besides, I already made that wonderful speech to Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana. I don't think he'd change his mind now."

"But, TK…" She looked up at him, worried. "Aren't you embarrassed? Everyone's laughing at you."

He grinned. "No, it's fine. When else could I ever get pregnant in my life? The way I see it, all the guys are missing out. Besides…" The smile slipped off his face, replaced by a more serious look. "People have already been bugging you enough lately. You haven't seemed like yourself as much. I know you haven't meant to, or haven't noticed, but you've seemed sad lately. Maybe you'll be happy again if those stupid people leave you alone."

She blinked. "I… I don't know what to say. That's so nice of you…"

He shrugged, and his smile returned to his face. "If there's any way I can make you happy, I'll do it."

"Th-thanks, TK," she said, blushing. "You're always such a good friend."

The smile wavered a tiny bit, but then he grinned. "Right. That's what friends are for, yeah? Um, I'm gonna go get a snack, okay?"

"Do you want me to come with you?" she asked.

"No, I'm fine. See you later…" And with that, he waddled off.

_Errgh_, Kari thought as she returned to her friends. _Was that a romantic moment or something? And did I just ruin that by calling him 'a good friend'?_ Then she shook her head to clear her thoughts. There was no way TK liked her. He _was_ a good friend, and that was all. Why would anyone like her?

"Oh, Kariiiii… I might be happily married, but it's… uh, an open marriage, if you know what I mean," Davis said with a huge smile as she walked back over.

"Not in front of Cody," she said, to shut him up. Okay, why would anyone like her besides Davis?

Yolei gasped and smacked Davis on the head. "Stupid! Don't taint his little ears!"

"My ears are big!" Cody protested.

"Yeah, he's like an elephant in the ear sense," laughed Davis.

"What does that even mean?!?!" demanded Yolei.

"Where's TK?" Ken asked.

"He had to go get a snack," Kari answered.

"Well, he _is_ eating for two now," Davis said logically.

-x-

"Mr. Cardboard, I don't think I'm understanding you correctly. You didn't let _Jess Winters_ through your security checkpoint into the dressing rooms because someone named Sora Takenouchi showed up?!" Trashy Trish trilled.

"Uh… well… She told me that you'd called her, see. She said that Jess Winters had broken her ear drum and couldn't appear on the show, so you'd asked her to come in her place. She's the best tennis player in Japan, you know." Mr. Cardboard looked embarrassed, or maybe just intimidated by Trashy Trish and Blonde Arukenimon.

"Mr. Cardboard. Do you have the mental capacity of a child or are you just stupid?" Blonde Arukenimon snapped.

"I, uh, can't really see a difference there," Mr. Cardboard said shakily.

"How dare you. This is _Beautiful Children_. Children are our future, so we better make sure they're beautiful. No, their intelligence doesn't matter much in the long run, but they are still not stupid. You'd better take back your words, Mr. Cardboard, as we can fire you as easily as you let that deceiver through your security checkpoint," said Blonde Arukenimon, clenching her hands into two veiny fists.

Leia burst into the room, wearing a small party hat. "Umm… Ma'am… I got the information you wanted on Miranda."

"What is _wrong_ with you?!?!" Blonde Arukenimon shrieked. "That… _thing_ you have on your head can barely fit in the doorway!"

Both Leia and Mr. Cardboard couldn't help but stare at Trashy Trish's gigantic hair for a moment before looking down guiltily.

"Give me the information," Blonde Arukenimon demanded, ripping the folder from Leia's hands and flipping through it violently.

"Well, I guess this meeting's over," Trashy Trish said. "You can go, Mr. Cardboard, but in the future you can _never_ let anyone through who is not on the list."

He nodded. "Okay, Trish. Thanks!"

"By the way, Mr. Cardboard, if that Takenouchi girl ever comes back, you have my permission to detain her and… take care of her. The world doesn't need any more tennis players, do you understand?"

"Uh, yeah. Okay." Mr. Cardboard ran out of the room.

"Uh, can I go now?" Leia almost begged.

"Is this meeting over?" Trashy Trish asked. "I think my hair's starting to obey gravity. I have to go spray it again. Maybe just a touchup? Bottles 1-34? Or maybe I should be safe and do the whole thing? Ah, and I need to change my skirt too. Whoever said nine inches above the knee was _short_?!?!"

"Yes. You may both go. We will wait for Carrie and her minions to make their own news, and just when they think they're perfectly safe with their own lives, we will pounce in and get all their disgusting secrets on our show."

Trish grinned. "Genius!"

"We'll all make enough, after that Miranda's taken care of, to buy everything we want… Oh, except for you, Leia, since you're just an intern. But isn't this a wonderful way to see how the world works?" Blonde Arukenimon asked evilly. "By the way, take that thing off your head. I don't know why you're wearing it, but we don't wear things like that at _Beautiful Children_."

"Yes ma'am!" Leia squeaked. She reluctantly pulled the party hat off her head, feeling stupid for thinking anyone would care about her birthday here. She followed Trish out of the room.

-x-

"Here are your children. I forgot to mention that you must have joint custody of these children, but once, over our approaching winter break, you both must stay in the same place with the baby." Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana had just finished passing out the babies.

Davis practically imploded. "WHAT??? That's illegal! Kari and TK can't spend the night together! That's so… so… NOT OKAY!"

"If their parents will not allow them, I will accept two signed notes when we return from winter break," replied Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana.

Kari looked to TK. "Will your mom let you?" she asked.

"Probably. I mean, how many times did we sleep together when we were little? I mean, uh, sleep in the same place, you know? In the Digital World?"

Kari nodded, smiling. "Remember that time Joe had a nightmare and woke us all up screaming?"

"Yeah… Mimi sure was mad she didn't get her beauty sleep."

"And our brothers basically killed each other because they blamed everything on each other. Ah, speaking of Tai, he probably won't let me. My parents will, because they remember… back then. They love you, anyway."

"I will now pass out your children," said Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana.

"What do we do with them during class?" Ken asked.

"You have to take them to school with you every day. You must care for them during your classes. There might be spies watching you."

"Oh, great…" Kari sighed. "Not _more_ spies."

As if on cue, a paparazzi photographer jumped out from behind a desk and took a picture of Kari. "PETER PARKER STRIKES AGAIN!"

Everyone stared at him for a moment. "Who's Peter Parker?" Davis asked.

The photographer (apparently Peter Parker) looked proud to tell them. "Why, just your friendly neighborhood – "

"OKAY, that's enough copyright infringement!" Davis yelled, waving his arms around. "Can't we all just settle down and not ask why Peter Parker is, for some reason, both a paparazzi photographer _and_ extremely ready to tell everyone his true identity?"

Ken sweatdropped. "Davis, you were the one who asked the question. And I thought you said you didn't know who he was?"

A rock came flying through the window, shattering it and pouring shards of glass everywhere. The rock, of course, hit Ken in the head.

"IT'S THE JOKER! I have to go save Metropolis!" Peter Parker announced before flying out the window on a seemingly invisible jet while calling the sea creatures in their underwater language.

"So, uh, how many comics did the author just rip off there?" TK asked.

"NOBODY CARES," Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana decided. "Now, back to the babies. You all must give your baby a name. However, you cannot give your baby a name."

Everyone was still confused about their lives, etc., and this just made them extremely more confused. "I believe the statement you just uttered was contradictory," Ken said.

"_I_ will get to name your babies!" Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana said grandly.

"But a dingo ate my baby!" Davis shrieked.

"Young man, you know we don't discuss any animals that aren't native to Antarctica!" scolded Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana. "Shame on you!"

"Uh… a… polar bear ate my baby?"

"That's the _Arctic_, not the Antarctic!" Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana screeched. "Have I taught you _nothing_?!?!?! That's like me mixing you up with Tai, who for some reason I have knowledge of!"

Davis gulped. "Oh, sorry! That's a bad mistake, then. I mean besides the big hair, goggles, similar Digimon, soccer-playing, same taste in clothes and music, and relation to Kari – me being her husband, of course – Tai and I have _nothing_ in common! Oh yeah, and we both get in fights a lot with the Takaishi-Ishida family. And we eat a lot. And share the same crest. And we're both the leaders of the Digidestined. And – "

"Because I don't like to waste time with Penicillin's insanity, I will now go on as he continues to ramble. I will name each of your babies. Hold them out to me and I will come around, pat each one's head, and give it a name. I am sorry if I repeat names. In Antarctica, we only have six that we can give to people. The rest are reserved for penguins, seals, whales, and sometimes giraffes."

TK held his and Kari's baby up, and Ken did the same with his and Davis's.

"Eyebrow," said Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana as he went around the class patting heads and naming the babies. "Rosie. Stinky. Caroline. Gregory. Antarctica-girl-child."

"Is ours a girl or a boy?" Kari asked.

TK shrugged. "I don't know if they have genders."

"I hope we get Rosie," Kari said. "Or one of the other normal ones."

"No, _we're_ getting Rosie!" Davis yelled. "Ken counted, see?"

Ken shrugged. "He gives names in a pattern. It's a simple mathematical calculation. Like counting off to be in teams?"

"He's such a genius!" Davis said.

"Watch out, you're starting to act like Yolei," Kari said.

"Jealous? Are you jealous? Kari? Are you?"

"Yeah, they've only been happily married for less than a day and they're already drooling over each other," TK laughed.

"Well, you've only been pregnant for less than a day and you're already starting to show! A lot! Or maybe you're just fat!" Davis retaliated.

"Here he comes!" Kari said. "Come on, Rosie… please…"

"Eyebrow!" Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana said, patting TK and Kari's baby. They both fell over.

"Eye…brow?" Kari gasped. "Nooo!"

"YES! We get Rosie! I told you you shoulda been in my group, Kari!" Davis gloated. "That guy TK is bad luck!"

Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana patted the head of Davis and Ken's baby. "Stinky!"

Davis stood up, face red. "WHAT?"

"But… the… math…" Ken passed out.

Davis leapt out the broken window. About two seconds later he came running back through the classroom door. "STINKY?!?!"

"That is correct," Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana said. "That is my brother's name. It is a very wonderful name for a young Antarctican child."

"What's your first name?" TK asked.

"Why, that was a very rude question, but I will not get angry, for you are in a family way!" Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana said.

TK and Kari looked at each other, unsure what that meant.

Ken regained consciousness. "It means you're pregnant," he said, before fainting again.

"My name is Caroline," Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana said happily, doing a handstand. "And I have never envied anyone else's name!"

"Car…oline?" TK repeated.

Davis stared at him. "Isn't that a girl's – "

"It's a wonderful name!" Kari interrupted. "Absolutely great. Fits you perfectly."

"Why, thank you, Penny! Now I know what Sonny sees in you!" Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana said, grinning.

"Well, that was more than a little creepy," Kari muttered.

"Don't worry! Class is over in about five seconds," TK said, trying to reassure her.

"But next I have Gym class… And right now we're running laps. Around and around and around. Apparently today is the day we run two miles."

"Here, take Eyebrow with you," TK said. "That way you won't have to run."

Kari smiled. "Good idea! Maybe being a mom isn't so bad…"

"Especially when you have my baby! Right? Right?" Davis cried.

The bell rang, and Kari walked confidently to the gym, carrying Eyebrow happily. All her fears of a painful running-related death were gone.

-x-

"Why am I _always_ left out?" Yolei raged. "You guys all get to have your stupid little babies with each other and I'm just kind of standing over here, alone and destitute!"

"I don't have a baby either, Yolei!" Cody piped up.

"That's because you _are_ a baby," she reasoned.

"Look, if you want to take ours, go ahead," Davis said. "It kept crying during all my classes and I had no idea what to do!"

"That's why _I_ should take care of Stinky at all times," Ken said. "Now it's on the stupid microchip that it was crying and we didn't do anything!"

"Well, maybe if you weren't in all the stupid advanced classes then you could have done something!" Davis shot back.

"It's not my fault you have no work ethic! You have to try harder!"

"Can you two please stop fighting like an old couple?" TK begged. "You're supposed to be _happily_ married. You've been arguing ever since we got to Yolei's."

"Look, we need to stop talking about the babies and start working on our plan!" Yolei shrieked. "Do you want to get revenge or not?"

"Well, we all know _Davis_ isn't capable of revenge," Ken sniffed. "He's too busy acting like a child!"

"And Ken, of course, is the master of revenge. He's all petty like that!" Davis retaliated.

"Ugh! Shut up, both of you!" Yolei screamed.

Eyebrow started to cry. Kari groaned. "Not again!" She started rocking the doll and it stopped. "Whew, it's asleep. What a relief…"

"When are we going to carry out the plan?" TK asked.

"How about today?" Cody proposed. Everyone stared at him. "What?" he asked. "Don't you want to see their suffering as soon as possible?"

"Remind me never to get on Cody's bad side," Yolei said. Ken smiled at her.

"Go out with me or you'll get on my bad side!" Cody said, grinning.

Yolei was too busy drooling over Ken to hear. Cody flew to the corner and sobbed.

"Hey, that's _my_ crying place!" Davis growled. "All my tears from the times Kari rejects me could fill a sea…"

"That was such a terrible sentence," Ken said, head in his hands. "No wonder our baby is an idiot, it takes after you."

"You guys need some couples therapy," TK offered.

"They're not a couple!" Yolei growled. "Now! The plan!"

"How about tomorrow?" Kari suggested. "That way we can prepare today. Ken, how are those contraptions coming along?"

"Excellent," Ken said. "They'll be more than ready by tomorrow. They're quite simple gadgets, actually."

"Spare us your genius mumbo-jumbo," Davis said. "Is everything else ready?"

Kari shrugged. "Yeah. We can all do it tomorrow?"

"Um… what do we do with the babies?" Ken asked.

"We can take them with us, I guess," TK said. "I'd take off the baby-belt, but it has that stupid memory chip in it… Mr. Lapiceusaltuanowana said I can't even take it off to shower."

Everyone was silent for a moment, wondering what he would do when he showered. Kari cleared her throat, face red. "UM! Okay! Let's go through for what who will do!"

"That was a terrible sentence as well," Ken said.

"Sorry! Uh, you know what I mean, though. Okay! Who's doing what?"

-x-

_By this time tomorrow,_ Kari thought to herself,_ I'll have my revenge and people will know the truth._

It was late for her – she always went to bed early or else she couldn't get up in the morning – but she couldn't sleep. She had gotten up and walked out to the balcony of the Kamiya's apartment, where she stood now. She wasn't cold, though she only wore her pajamas. Kari stared out at the town around her, seeing cars go by far below. It wasn't that late, but her parents were already asleep.

She heard talking coming from her room. Matt was spending the night, and, because the world hated her, she had to sleep on the couch. Maybe that was why she couldn't sleep. Why couldn't stupid Tai go sleep over at Matt's house instead? It wasn't as if there was anyone there who had school in the morning, since TK lived with his mom, after all.

Suddenly, she heard Eyebrow crying. "Ugh, what now?" Kari walked back inside, closing the door to the balcony and locking it behind her. She crossed the room briskly and picked up the baby. She had convinced TK that she would take care of Eyebrow as much as she could since he had to wear the baby-belt. She was forever indebted to him for wearing it.

Luckily, all Kari had to do was feed Eyebrow, using the little bottle that had come with the baby. Eyebrow stopped crying and its little eyelids closed. Eyebrow cried a lot, but also slept a lot. Kari just hoped it would be quiet for the rest of the night.

"Kari! Are you okay?" Tai asked, throwing the door open. "Are you crying?" Matt was close behind him.

"Um, I'm fine. It's the baby."

"Baby?" Matt looked astounded. "Uh, Kari? When did this happen?"

"It's for a stupid school project," Kari said, sighing. "TK and I have to take care of this baby."

"He must be excited about that," Matt snickered.

"Huh?"

"Uh, nothing."

"Can you make it shut up?" Tai groaned.

"It's stopped for now. But what do you care? You're not going to sleep any time soon… You're just gonna stay up late and talk about girls or whatever you guys talk about."

"Girls? Are you serious?" Tai snorted. "We don't talk about girls. We're not girls!"

"Meaning we don't talk about the opposite sex like girls do," Matt said, trying to make Tai's statement less confusing.

"Come on, let's leave Kari with her love child," Tai laughed.

They went back inside as Kari rolled her eyes. Creeping closer, she leaned her ear up against the closed door to hear what they were saying.

"OHMIGOD, I LOVE SORA SO MUCH!" Matt was squealing quietly.

"Are you serious? Ohmigod me too!" Tai giggled. "I hope Kari can't hear us…"

Kari laughed, shaking her head. Of course they talked about girls – or girl, anyway. She just wondered who TK talked about.

-x-

She hadn't slept and felt kind of sick, but Kari still had to go to school. She never missed school anymore. Besides, they would carry out the Elaborate Revenge Plot that afternoon, and she had to be there for that.

Unfortunately, she almost fell over in the hall at break when she, TK, Davis, and Ken were leaving their classroom. Davis caught her before anyone else could.

"Uh, thanks," she said, once she regained consciousness.

"What's wrong?" TK asked.

"Oh, Matt slept over last night. I didn't get much sleep."

The three stared at her.

Kari turned red. "He and Tai were up late! Being loud!"

Davis wiped his forehead, relieved. "I didn't sleep much, either. I had to take care of Stinky and it kept crying."

"Eyebrow doesn't cry much," Kari said. "Not too much, anyway."

"I timed Stinky. It cried about every four minutes."

Kari blinked. "If it cried that much, how are you so awake today?"

"Oh, I have my ways," Davis cackled. "Here, come with me! I can wake you up!" He grabbed Kari's arm and pulled her down the hallway. TK and Ken could only stare after them.

-x-

"Now, children… Who knows the quadratic formula?" the math teacher asked boredly.

"I DO!" Kari cried. She jumped up. "Negative b plus or minus the square root of b squared minus 4ac all over 2a!"

"Yeah! Go Kari!" Davis cheered.

"Good job, Kari."

"Thanks! Hey look, a dog!" Kari announced, pointing out the window. "Hi, doggie! What a cute dog! His ears are all floppy."

"Kari, please sit down," the math teacher ordered.

"Aye aye, captain!" Kari sat down.

"Uh, maybe you shouldn't have drank so much coffee," TK whispered to her. "I can't believe you let Davis pour like ten cups down your throat."

She shrugged. "I was asleep for part of it!"

TK shook his head. "You hate coffee."

She grinned. "Yeah, but at least I'm awake now!"

"Kari, please stop talking. Um, will the pregnant girl please come up and do this equation on the board?" the math teacher asked.

"It's me, TK!" TK said brightly.

"Yeah, he's a pregnant _boy_," Kari said. "Not a girl!"

Davis, who had drunk a lot of coffee too, fell over onto the floor, where he promptly began rolling and laughing to himself. "You… might… say…" he coughed out between laughs, "that TK's… a… pretty boy!"

Kari also collapsed in hysterics. "Didja hear, Eyebrow?"

TK sighed. "I know coffee's a drug, but I never thought it would do this much…"

"Detention! Kari and Davis! After school!" barked the math teacher.

This made Kari stop laughing. "WAIT! No! We have to do something after school!"

"Oh, really? I love extracurricular activities… They are so enriching! What will you be doing?" the math teacher asked.

"Um… uh… we'll be…" Kari stammered.

"We're working at a TV station," TK said.

The teacher stomped his foot. "I hate television. Detention for all three of you."

Davis whipped out his D-Terminal and sent messages to the others: "Plan is off until tomorrow!"

Unfortunately, he forgot that the older Digidestined also received any messages sent over the D-Terminal, and made poor Izzy (the only one who was awake already on their vacation, working on his computer) very confused.

-x-

The next day, Wednesday, Ken showed up with a sad expression on his face. "I can't do it today," he told everyone before school. "The annual science fair is tonight. I haven't even written my analysis, results, or conclusion yet!"

"Tomorrow BETTER work for everyone," Yolei growled. "If it doesn't work for one of you, I will personally rip out your eyeballs."

-x-

On Thursday, they all gathered together at the beginning of school.

"Don't worry, Yolei! We can all go!" Cody squeaked. "I even canceled my kendo competition!" He sighed wistfully.

"Um… well… the thing is… my parents are making me work at the store tonight… It's their anniversary. I can't do it tonight."

"Okay, go ahead!" Davis said.

"What?"

"Rip out your eyeballs!"

Ken patted Yolei's shoulder after straightening his Science Fair First Prize Ribbon pinned to his shoulder. "It's okay, Yolei. I'm sure it'll work out tomorrow."

-x-

On Friday, the last day of school before winter break, everyone approached each other cautiously.

"Um… so… uh…" Kari tried.

"Can everyone go?" TK asked, arms resting on his huge belly.

"Yeah!" Yolei said.

"Yep," said Cody, smiling.

Ken nodded. "Yes."

"I'm all set!" said Kari.

"So am I," TK said. "Davis?"

Davis sighed, looking down.

Yolei nearly exploded. "DAVIS! I SWEAR TO YOU – "

Davis grinned. "Just kidding! I can go!"

"Okay, nobody get detention today," TK said.

"Meaning Davis?" Ken smirked.

"Leave me alone! Look, I had to deal with your dumb baby all last night… When's it your turn to take care of Stinky?" Davis said grouchily.

"When it's winter break," Ken said. "It's not like you have to worry about your studies. I do, however."

"That doesn't make sense at all! I'm the one who does bad at school!" Davis cried.

"'Badly'," Ken corrected. "And your statement is correct. You don't worry about your studies. I actually care about mine."

"I thought you wanted to take care of Stinky anyway? Didn't you say that I was just messing up your grade because I didn't know how to take care of it?"

"I decided my other grades are more important than the stupid baby-grade."

"I agree with Ken," Yolei said.

"You always do!" Davis groaned. "You're the one who messes up our marriage by having your stupid little crush on _my_ husband."

"SHUT UP, DAVIS!" Yolei screamed, tackling him to the ground and hitting his head repeatedly. "HOW COULD YOU TELL EVERYONE THAT I HAVE A CRUSH ON KEN?!?!?!??!"

"You're – ouch! – the one who just admitted it – ow! – in front of him!" Davis pointed out as Yolei bashed his head.

Yolei froze, eyes wide and cheeks bright red. "Um! Um! I think… I need to… go… get… Cody! See, he, uh, went to the bathroom, and he could need some help! With, uh, potty-training and all!" She raced off.

Cody collapsed on the ground. "WHY????"

Davis sighed with relief and pulled himself off the floor. "Hey, Cody's been here the whole time! She's insane! Who wants to go play soccer?"

"Uhh… Don't you think we should do something about Yolei?" Kari asked.

"Well, she _has_ the crest of sincerity. Doesn't that mean she should tell the truth and admit she likes Ken? She shouldn't keep it a secret from him," TK said.

"It's not like she's _lying_," Kari said defensively. "Besides, people have to keep some secrets."

"Yeah, but certain secrets should be told."

"Not necessarily! What if you like someone and you're not sure they like you back? You should keep that a secret, because you could just end up hurting yourself and them!"

"But if you don't tell them your feelings, you'll never know."

Kari sighed. "It's not always that easy," she said.

"I guess not," TK agreed. "But the truth is always better."

"You're one to talk!" Cody said between sobs. "You keep secrets too, TK!"

"Um… uh… Hey, Ken, why do you look like that?" TK asked, trying to change the subject.

Kari and Davis also looked to Ken. Cody was too busy crying and pounding his fist on the floor. Ken looked strange, as if he had been inspired by TK's words about telling the truth. He held his head high in the air and had a determined look in his dark eyes. His hands were in fists in front of him. His hair blew in the still air, making him look like some crazed Prince Charming character from a romance movie. His expression didn't change at all as he answered the question: "What do you mean, why do I look like this? Don't I always look like this?"

"No, you look all different!" Davis said.

"Yeah, kind of like how Davis looked when he told the teacher he wanted to have his own noodle-cart when he grew up," TK laughed. "Minus the hair thing. Uh, how is it doing that?"

"Um, Ken?" Kari said. "Maybe you should go see how Yolei's doing."

Ken nodded. "You're right! You're absolutely right! I'll go see right away!" He bounded off across the yard towards the building.

Cody finally sat up. "Why does Yolei like him and not me?"

"Oh, Cody. Yolei likes you too, just not in the same way she likes Ken. She kind of likes him in the same way mommies like daddies. You'll understand when you're older," TK explained slowly, making Cody flop back down with a cry.

-x-

Throughout the rest of the day, Kari was the most restless she'd ever been. She caught herself staring at the clock through history class, counting down the minutes until it was three. It wasn't like her to be impatient, but she couldn't wait until they executed the plan. Anyway, it wasn't like her to be vengeful, either, but she was certainly that. After the wonderfully moving speech she'd delivered to Cody almost a week ago, she knew that this was the only way she could resolve the issue. Besides, those _Beautiful Children_ jerks deserved it! Oops, getting too vindictive there.

Finally, the bell rang and Kari jumped out of her seat next to Davis. Grabbing his arm with her free one (the one not occupied by Eyebrow), she ran out the door. Davis was still panting when she finally stopped running and whirled around to face him.

"Ready?" she asked.

"For what?" he asked, then grinned. "Just kidding again! I'm so ready!"

"Okay!"

A pregnant TK appeared from around the corner and went to meet up with them. Another boy soon followed, wearing a huge hat and oversized shades. He sidled up to them, a bit suspiciously, and Davis glared at him. "What do you want, kid?" he asked the short boy.

The boy lowered his glasses a fraction. "It's me, Cody!" he cried. "I'm trying to be incognito here!"

"Does that disguise work against your fangirls?" Kari asked.

"Not really," Cody said, as someone's humongous bra was thrown on his head. "As you can see."

"That's huge!" Kari gasped. "Nobody needs a bra that big!"

"My kinda girl does," Davis said, elbowing Cody. "You know what I mean, Cody?"

"Not in front of Cody!" TK yelled, covering Cody's eyes.

Kari peered at the bra. "56 W. Um…"

Davis looked around frantically. "Who is this goddess?!?!?!"

"Yoohoo!" called a deep voice. They all looked to see Gloria, the lunch lady who practically had her own stratosphere, waving at them. "Hey, Cody cutie! I saw you on TV last night!"

Davis stared at her, mouth gaping open. "Uh…"

"At least now we know Davis's type," Kari giggled.

"Speaking of unquestionable love and people who are meant for each other, like Davis and Gloria, where are Yolei and Ken?" TK wondered.

"THAT HURTS, TK. THAT REALLY HURTS," Cody cried.

"Don't worry, Cody. Someday, when you're grown up, you'll find someone you love too!" Kari said, trying to console him.

"I already have!" Cody wailed. "But _she's_ in love with a genius!"

"Who's in love with me?" Davis demanded. "Kari? Cody, how dare you be in love with my girl??!?!?!??!?!"

"Cody's in love with your girl?" TK asked. "Who, Gloria?"

"Noooooooo!" Davis cried.

"Uh, what's going on here?" Yolei asked.

They all looked up to see Ken and Yolei standing there staring at them.

"There you two are!" Kari exclaimed. "Okay, that's everyone! Are we all ready to go? Ken, do you have the parts we need? Nobody got detention, right?"

"Calm down," Yolei laughed. "Which question should we answer first?"

"Yeah, did Davis make you drink coffee again?" TK asked, amused smile on his face. "You're not usually this, uh…"

"Gung ho?" Cody supplied.

"CODY! Where did you hear that word?" Yolei demanded. "Do I have to wash out your mouth with soap? Don't call Kari bad names like that!"

Someone threw a shoe at Kari. "TAKE THAT, YOU EVIL CARRIE!"

"Okay, I'm definitely ready," Kari growled. "Come on!"

She marched out the door and the others followed close behind her. Cody barely noticed that he still had a bra on his head, and as he walked by a group of girls, they began fighting over whose it was.

_Haha, sorry about the beginning pregnancy test dream. Hopefully I didn't shock anyone there. xD Okay, so please review and I'll have part two up soon! _

**end of part one**


	6. Jack of Hearts, part 2

_Hey everyone! Welcome to the last chapter in Part I! Except this is the second part of the chapter, which is really confusing... But whatever. xD_

_I will now take this time to thank each and every one of my reviewers thus far! Thank you to **fangirl712, crest of music, Angelwoman-13, Jillie062, Lovelinelivelong639, leerfantastico, Kynwyn, Moppy, Cat-chan, kingdom219, HotIceRed, brnnttebabe12, puasluoma, Mrs. Radcliffe 13, Bla, Crazy With Happiness, angel, V.H.Laurens, milkshakelvr, Aniecia, Twilight's Truth, onlyIcanRULEtheWORLDlikeIdo, metalangemon, silverknight426, InoLovesShikamaru, VampireKissesFan, Hikari Yagami 24, Xanpluto, saruwatarikoumiko, Bla8, iloveyamato, PrincessOfTheDigimon, Silver sentinel, volkethereaper, Matt, Kiarou, TimeAndRhythmDoesIndeedSleep, demonic angel23**, and **Sangloupmon**._

_Holy canoli that's a lot. :3 Thank you to everyone for making this story one of my favorites to write! And thank you for telling me you'd like to see more. I wasn't going to make a Part II, but because of all your support and such I don't want to stop writing this one! _

_Now I have some saddish news. D: This will be the last chapter of this story I post for a long time. You all know how terrible I am at updating, and that's when I have ideas for what I'm going to write about. I have no idea what the plot for Part II will be like, so any suggestions are greatly appreciated. ;D I do know that I want to incorporate more of the older characters into it, but Kari will stay the protagonist. Cause she's my favorite. xD So maybe I'll have Yolei tell Kari's fortune using four guys from 01? (That would be Matt, Joe, Izzy, and possibly TK again, cause I'm not doing Tai. xD) Or would you like something different? Ah I don't know. You can always tell me plotlines you'd like to see covered (like um... Kari and Joe going out on a date or something) or you can tell me a question that should be asked, and/or the answer (like "Who will Kari go out with next?...Joe!"). Yeah, I dunno. xD_

_Don't be too sad. It won't be gone for too long. :3 And the more reviews I get, the more eager I will be to write, and the sooner I'll post! Also, I'll probably post sooner if you give me suggesstions. :3_

_In the meantime, why not check out some of my other Digimon stories? xD; I'll probably be updating **Fast Times at Odaiba High** a lot, since those chapters are really short. Ah, okay. End of shameless promotion time. xD_

_And time for what I've taken too long to write... the last chapter in Part I!_

**Chapter Five: The Jack of Hearts**

**part two**

"Aw, come on, Mr. Cardboard!" Yolei pleaded. "Don't you remember me? I'm back to do a real piece on my tennis-playing skills! And this is Ken Ichijouji. You _must_ remember him. He was on the show awhile ago!"

The man shook his head. "Sorry, Sora. I got all chewed up last time by the manager for letting you get through. Apparently someone made a mistake and called you by accident. You weren't s'posed to be on the show."

Yolei sighed, dejected. "Yeah, I know… it was such a letdown. I told all my family and friends to tune in, but they never got to see me. The next day, everyone laughed at me at school, since I guess I must have told everyone there I was going to be on the show too. I can't help letting everyone know! I was just so excited to be on _Beautiful Children_!"

"Yeah, I know what you mean," Mr. Cardboard said. "I was so excited to work here at first cause I always loved watching this show when I was little." He looked down sadly. "I was never beautiful enough to be one of the stars on the show, but I always dreamed about it. This was the only way I could become any part of the show, you know?"

Yolei nodded. "I always dreamt of being on it too! I practiced tennis so hard and finally became the best tennis player in Japan because I thought it would make me worthy of appearing on the show. But instead they fly in someone from England." She sighed. "This time, I was dumb again… I told everyone at my school to keep watching, and then they'd see… I'd be on the show sometime soon!" She looked up at Mr. Cardboard, face filled with hope. "You won't make everyone laugh at me again, will you?"

Tears streamed down Mr. Cardboard's face. "Oh, go ahead!" he cried. "You remind me of a young female me when I was a boy!"

"Thank you so much Mr. Cardboard!" Yolei exclaimed, pulling Ken and racing through the metal detector. Luckily, this time Ken didn't set it off.

"I kind of feel bad for the guy," Ken whispered once they'd gone through the hall. "That story didn't even make sense, did it? Why did he even let us through?"

Yolei shrugged. "I dunno… Maybe he let me through because he just felt bad for the children who aren't beautiful enough to be a beautiful child on _Beautiful Children_." She blinked from the slightly confusing explanation.

"That can't be it," he said.

"Huh? Why not?"

"Cause you're ten times more beautiful than anyone on this show!" he said, getting the same determined look he'd had earlier. His hair again blew back though there was no breeze, and his hands balled into fists in front of him.

Yolei could say nothing, but she did trip over her own feet very nicely.

-x-

"Whyyy did you let Yolei and Ken go off together?" Cody whined jealously.

"Yolei already knew about the dressing rooms, and Ken was the one who made all the devices to put in them," Kari explained. "You and I have to star in the show, anyway."

"I guess…" Cody still looked sad. "Can we at least get out of here soon?"

They were hiding behind the backdrop of the stage. The front curtain hadn't opened yet, but the audience members were gathering in their seats for the show that night.

"Not until TK gives us the signal," she said. "Oh Cody, weren't you listening to the plan before?"

"I was… I have to ask you all this stuff so the reader knows what the plan is!"

Kari stared at him.

"Meaning I'm just a little nervous!" Cody corrected quickly.

"Certain emotions are very regular to feel for big, grown-up things like this," Kari said, patting his head. "Don't worry!"

"I hope Davis and TK can take over the studio… And soon. It stinks back here," Cody said. "Hey, wait! You just called me a baby again! KARIIIII!"

-x-

"Okay, we got to the control room," Davis said. "Now we just have to make the announcement."

"Right," TK said.

They stared down at the controls in front of them. There were about fifty buttons in lots of different colors. Some flashed and others were in different shapes, while still others were levers and push-buttons, and then there were some that were knobs to turn. It looked more like an airplane than the control room for a TV show.

"Okay, we got to the control room," Davis said again after a period of silence. "Now we just have to make the announcement."

"Right…" TK sighed, resting his arms on his pregnant belly.

There was another awkward silence. Davis finally broke it. "Okay, we got to the – "

"Stop saying that! We have to hurry up or that guy'll be back soon!"

"But he's old," Davis argued.

"So? Have you ever seen Cody's grandpa? He's faster than Cody!"

"Well, Cody's still learning how to walk."

"Right, but anyway, we need to hurry so the guy doesn't come back!"

"But everyone who works on the show has to meet in the green room for an hour before they go to their dressing rooms or their stations for a half an hour," Davis reminded him. "And that, fortunately but not very wisely, means all people behind the scenes have to also. What a dumb show."

"Ugh, why can't the security people meet there too? Then we wouldn't have to make this stupid announcement."

"Where's Izzy when you need him? Why didn't Ken and Yolei do this? Aren't they the smart ones?"

"Yeah, but this shouldn't be as hard as setting up Ken's many gadgets," TK said.

"Let's just press random buttons!" Davis announced.

"Wait, no!"

Davis pounded down on the control booth, flipping switches and pushing buttons and turning knobs. Music started to play, but then died down. From the tinted window that overlooked the set and audience, they could see fireworks on the stage. People in the audience cheered.

"See, they love me!" Davis said proudly.

"Okay, okay. Just find the intercom and let me make the announcement!"

"What? _You're_ making the announcement? Why can't I?"

"My voice sounds older," TK said. "Yours hasn't changed yet, has it?"

"HEY! That's not okay! Just cause you're old enough to get pregnant – "

TK had examined the controls and found one labeled "intercom". He switched it on and slapped his hand over Davis's mouth. "Attention please. Will all security personnel please report to room five in the lower deck. All security personnel to room five in the lower deck. Thank you." He switched it off.

"My voice has _so_ changed! It's all manly and deep!" Davis continued to argue.

"Okay, okay, whatever. It definitely is. But I have to stay here anyway, cause you're the one going to the lower deck. Look, they're all leaving the stage floor!"

"Aren't the audience members going to go crazy or something?" Davis asked. "With nobody there to watch them?"

"We can't worry about that now. You have to go! Do you have the lock Ken made?"

Davis nodded. "Going now! Good luck! Bye!" He raced out the door of the control room, and TK locked the door behind Davis, then waddled back to the controls to watch out the tinted window.

Suddenly, he noticed the word "intercom" on a piece of paper tacked to the wall. He went over and looked at it, reading what it said about the intercom.

_The upper floor does not work with the same intercom system as that of the other floors. Instead, all employees and security personnel on the upper floor must be reached by individual walkie-talkie for security purposes._

So what was the upper floor? TK scanned the wall's many papers, looking for something that might tell him. Finally, his eyes rested on just the thing he was looking for: a map of the whole studio. There were only three floors, besides parking facilities and the basement, used as storage, but they were very spaced out in the huge building. The map didn't tell him what the floors were used for, but the information Ken had collected from the talkative security guard when he and Yolei had scoped out the place told all TK he needed to know.

The lower deck, where he had sent the security guards, was used as a kind of loading dock and delivery area. That was where a lot of the technicians worked and where the security guards and maintenance employees had their headquarters. There usually weren't a lot of people there, which made it an ideal place for the younger Digidestined to use in detaining the security guards. The main level was where the studio was and to where the main doors opened. It was the only level open to the regular audience members, who were herded into the studio audience seats like cattle to a televised slaughterhouse. The upper level was the only floor Ken hadn't talked about. Maybe that security guard, since he worked on the main floor and the security HQ was on the lower deck, didn't know anything about the upper deck. But, sure enough, TK found it on the map. It was partitioned off into smaller segments labeled things like "Dressing room A" and "Trish's Room".

TK's eyes widened. The only floor he hadn't cleared of security guards was the one where Yolei and Ken were! He searched around for a walkie-talkie, but there wasn't one. The old control board worker must have taken it with him to the green room meeting.

All TK could do was stay in the booth and hope that Yolei and Ken would be safe. After all, hope was his specialty, right?

-x-

"Okay, I'll take Jim the Failure Photographer's room," Yolei said. "You can take care of Blonde Arukenimon's room, right?"

Ken nodded. "And we'll both go to Trashy Trish's room when we're done."

"It's a date! I mean… okay! See you back here!" Yolei squeaked, trying to act normally. She zipped into Jim the Failure Photographer's room and regarded his camcorder on the pedestal. "So… We meet again," she growled. "But this time, it'll be the last!"

She summoned up all her energy, thinking about how Kari had married Ken and how a camera – possibly this one – had captured it and revealed it to the whole world. Her vision went red and she began growling ferociously. She leapt at the camera and began to scratch at it with her hands and savagely bite it with all her might. Pieces flew off as she began beating it with both her fists, and when she gave it the final Yolei-signature-angry-kick, it fell apart in the air. Just to be safe, she stomped on it a few more times before she stood back and admired her destruction with a big smile. "That's what you get for coming between me and Ken!"

Meanwhile, Ken began to assemble his Masterful Slicing Contraption in Blonde Arukenimon's dressing room. Since he'd had to get through the metal detectors, the whole Contraption was made out of plastic, even the blade. It was all very complex and high-tech, and Ken was obviously a genius for making it. It couldn't possibly be explained by anyone in the world who was not his intellectual equal, and nobody would really understand how it worked anyway. But it was sleek yet hard to notice, and had an extremely sharp blade attached to some thingie that would go like out and then kinda come back, only at a higher level than it had gone out, making the blade act sort of like a boomerang. It was triggered by some dealie on the floor that was weight-sensitive, and somehow hid on the ceiling or something. After he assembled it, Ken stood back and looked at it proudly for a moment, though it was very difficult to see, as you shall remember, then exited the room and closed the door behind him. Yolei was waiting for him in the hall, in front of the Director of Photography's closed door.

"Two down, one to go," she said with a grin. She reached for the doorknob to Trashy Trish's room, but he beat her to it. He opened the door and held it for her, getting his determined, hair-blowing gentlemanly look. Yolei entered the room, feeling giddy with happiness, and nearly tripped again – this time over a thickly padded bra with pink sequins and rhinestones plastered all over it. Ken walked in after Yolei, and was just about to close the door, when he heard a voice behind him.

"HOLD IT!"

Yolei and Ken both jumped. Ken tried to slam the door shut quickly, but the person behind them ran into it and nearly broke the door down as he slid into the room. It was Mr. Cardboard, and he looked angry.

"Oh, crap," Yolei said, eyes wide.

-x-

Davis watched as security guards gathered in room five on the lower deck. "Is that everyone?" he asked himself. "I guess I should ask them, instead of me! How would me know the answer?" Luckily, Ken wasn't around to correct his grammar.

Walking to the door, Davis poked his head in the room. "Hey everyone," he said. "Is this all of you? How many security personnel are there?"

"This is all of us from the main and lower decks, I think," one man told him.

"There are forty of us in all. Thirty-nine of us are from the main and lower decks," said a woman.

"Okay! This is a big room, huh? Can all of you stand on one side of the room, please? I need to count you guys! And girls," he added, as a large woman glared at him. "Isn't 'guys' inclusive of both genders?" he wondered. "Oh well. You're Davis, not Ken! Stop thinking!" Davis told himself, then nodded with a grin. "I can do that! Now, can all of you stand on one side of the room?"

All the security guards, who were apparently not very intelligent but extremely suggestible, gathered to the right wall of the room.

"Now, stand in rows of four!" Davis said, loving every second of this.

They did as he said, no questions asked.

"Okay, now everyone in the front row sit down. Everyone in the next row, kneel down so that you can just be seen over the row in front of you. And so on, and so on."

Every row did this, until the last row was jumping in the air and the penultimate row was standing on their tiptoes.

"Now each row count off!" he said. "First row, you yell 'One', and second row, you yell 'Two'! And then the rest of you keep going with the number of the row you're in!"

"One!"

"Two!"

"Three!"

"Four!"

"Five!"

"Six!"

"Seven!"

"Eight!"

"Eight!"

"Nine!"

"Uh, is that it?" Davis asked. "Shouldn't there be ten rows? Try again!"

"One!"

"Two!"

"Three!"

"Four!"

"Five!"

"Six!"

"Seven!"

"Eight!"

"Ei-oh, NINE!"

"Oh! Ten!"

"Yes!" Davis yelled, jumping in the air. The other security guards, especially those in rows nine and ten, also looked delighted.

"Okay, are all your rows complete?" Davis asked.

"Ours isn't!" came a voice from the back.

"Which row are you?"

"Ten!" they yelled.

"How many people are you guys missing?"

"Just one!"

"That must be the upper deck one. Is the upper deck one here?" Davis asked.

"MR. CARDBOARD, ARE YOU HERE?" they all yelled.

"I guess not!" Davis said. "But okay, there's only one of you guys on the upper deck? And it's not that important of a place?"

Some of them shrugged. "Not as important as the places _we_ guard," they said, puffing out their chests. "It's a tough job, but every night we go home heroes!"

"Uh, cool. Sorry, you guys, but I have to go now!" Davis said, backing out of the room. Hopefully one security guard wouldn't make that much of a difference.

"Where are you going?"

"Why are we in here?"

"Who _are_ you?" someone finally had the sense to ask.

Well, if they were all giving names of the original Digidestined as pseudonyms… "I'm Tai Kamiya!" Davis announced. "Except I'm not related to Kari by anything but marriage, okay? I'm not her brother, in this situation."

"Gotcha!" one of the security guards said.

"Bye, guys!" Davis waved to them before jumping out of the room, slamming the door, and pulling out of his backpack the huge plastic lock Ken had made. It, like his other device, was too complex to be explained, but it was still very wonderful. The plastic was very strong, as it had to be since metal couldn't be used. Davis attached the big lock to the door. "Don't worry, there's plenty of air vents in here!"

"Huh?" asked one security guard.

There were more dazed questions from the security guards who were still in their counting positions, but Davis had already run off with an accomplished grin.

-x-

"Got any two's?" Cody asked.

"Go fish," Kari answered.

"Aw, man!" Cody drew from the pile. "Hey, I got a two! That means I go again, right? Right? Kari?"

"Ugh, sorry, Cody," Kari said with a sigh. "This is just really boring."

Cody looked down. "Oh… Sorry…"

"It's okay, it's not your fault. When is TK ever gonna give us the signal? I mean, I know we're going to have to be in here until the actual show starts, but it seems like it's taking a much longer time than it should."

"Naw, not really," Cody said, checking his watch. "The show starts at 7, right? It's only 6:20 now."

"They come back from the green room at 6:30. I hope Yolei and Ken are almost done," Kari said, worried. "If everything doesn't go perfectly for everyone, we can't perform our plan!"

'Then let's hope it does," said Cody. "But there's not much we can do now, is there?"

Kari sighed. "I guess not. I just hate feeling so helpless!"

"Don't worry, our part in all this is coming soon. And in the meantime we can play cards!" Cody said brightly.

"Cards?" Kari murmured. "Hmm…"

-x-

"Mr. Cardboard, please let us explain," Ken said, trying to reason with the huge man.

"This isn't your dressing room! And I'm sure you know that!" Mr. Cardboard growled. "Sora, why did you lie to me?"

Ken answered for Yolei, who was rather speechless as to why TK and Davis hadn't gotten rid of Mr. Cardboard yet. "She's very ashamed for lying," Ken said. "She just felt there was no other way. She… left her coat in Tra – I mean, Trish's dressing room. Since she and Trish aren't on good terms anymore, she didn't want to call her up and tell her. So we tried to come this way."

"Oh, really?" Mr. Cardboard asked, looking like he believed Ken.

Yolei squeezed her eyes shut. What good was this lie even going to do? Mr. Cardboard would escort them into Trashy Trish's dressing room and help them search for some coat. They wouldn't be able to carry out their plan with him standing there watching them! And Mr. Cardboard might even call Trashy Trish to tell her what he was going to do. No, they couldn't risk it.

Therefore, she decided to try something even more risky: tell the truth. After all, she didn't have the Digi-egg of Sincerity for nothing. "We're here to get revenge on Trashy Trish," Yolei blurted out. Ken fell over, presumably dead.

-x-

Davis flew back into the control room. "I'm back!" he called out to TK, slamming the door. "Now, you have to get down there. Yolei should get back here any second to help me out with this control room stuff, and you have to go get Kari and Cody! Once Ken gets down to the studio audience and takes control of the main camera, we can start filming our own show – _Chosen Children_, instead of _Beautiful Children_!"

TK stared at him. "Okay, I know the author supports the original Japanese names and everything and possibly wishes that she had used them for this fic, but we can't change to Takeru and Daisuke right in the middle of everything – and we're staying the Digidestined, Davis!"

Davis sighed. "Whatever… You know, I expected this crankiness from Cody when he doesn't take his nap, but I never expected it from you!"

TK patted his stomach. "Well, I _am_ pregnant," he said.

"Then be careful when you run down there," Davis advised. "And don't you _dare_ touch my husband Ken," he added with a glare. "Or Kari! Oh, this is so confusing."

"Kari's _my_ wife, not yours," TK argued, forgetting that Kari and he just had babies together and weren't really married.

"Actually, she was married to Ken before she married you, so I don't think yours counts," Davis said.

"That means your marriage with Ken doesn't count either," TK said logically, raising an eyebrow triumphantly at Davis. He saw that the boy was glaring at him menacingly, about to attack him with the same ferocious nature he dealt to his soccer opponents, or possibly to ice cream. TK smiled brightly and backed away nervously. "Going now!" he exclaimed, then rushed out of the control room.

Davis walked to the window to watch for Yolei. Where _was_ she? He couldn't operate the control room all alone. No matter how much he fought with Yolei, he needed her.

"No!" Davis said quickly. "I'm already in love with Kari, who's the wife of my husband but is also the mother of codename TK's baby and has another one on the way. Oh, and who also cheated on Cody even after the famous, romantic eye-kiss!" He stared at the controls. "I can do this myself!" he exclaimed, pressing a button. The studio roof opened up and Davis watched as a rocket was shot out before the roof closed again.

Okay, he needed Yolei.

But… platonically.

-x-

"…So we came here to enact our plan. And we really really need to do it, for all the reasons I have previously illustrated," Yolei said with a nod to Mr. Cardboard.

Mr. Cardboard still glared at her. "I should call security, despite the fact that I _am_ security!" he yelled. Yolei flinched, and Ken was still collapsed, though Yolei was now sitting on the ground, holding him in her arms.

"We just really wanted to get our revenge," Yolei squeaked.

"No, I don't care about that. I was talking about you lying to me!"

Yolei blinked, looking up at him. "Uh… you don't care about us getting revenge on your employer?"

Mr. Cardboard shook his head. "Not at all! She was kinda getting on my nerves lately anyway. And back when I was a small, hopeful child, she didn't let me be on the show!"

Yolei gaped at him. "You only care that I lied to you? So if I had told you the truth in the first place, you would have let me in?"

Mr. Cardboard nodded. "Not only that, but I would have helped you!"

Yolei glanced down at Ken. "Sincerity actually paid off?" she asked, amazed. "I don't know what to say! Wait…" She looked back at Mr. Cardboard, who was smiling sweetly at her. "Did you say Trashy Trish used to do the show when you were a kid?"

"She's been doing the show forever. Its first name was _Beautiful Common Ancestors_," Mr. Cardboard said. "Now, if you just apologize for lying, I'll help you out with your revenge plan!"

"I'm sorry!" Yolei said. "Ken, wake up!"

Ken opened his eyes as if on cue. He stared up into Yolei's eyes romantically. "I've always dreamed of waking up in your arms," he whispered softly.

Mr. Cardboard yanked Ken up to a standing position and patted him on the back, sending the skinny boy flying. "Was I in your dreams too?" he asked obliviously, with a big grin.

"Only my nightmares," Ken muttered as he crashed into a wall.

"Now let's go get some revenge!" Yolei cried, pumping her fist in the air.

-x-

"Pregnant guy, coming through!"

Kari and Cody heard TK's voice as he pushed through the audience to get to the stage. Scrambling up the stairs and running backstage, then behind the curtain, TK smiled at the two hiding back there. "Everything's working, but Ken and Yolei haven't showed up yet. Once Ken's here, we can start the recording… Davis is gonna let us know when he shows up, since the control room has a window to see the audience with."

Kari grinned at TK. "Excellent."

TK noticed she had Eyebrow with her. "Are you sure you should have that here?" he asked.

"_She_ wanted to come along," Kari said. "And besides, we can't leave our babies alone. I know Davis made Jun take care of Stinky, but there's no way Tai was going to take care of Eyebrow."

TK shrugged. "Okay then. Do you remember what you're going to say?" he asked.

Kari and Cody both nodded.

"Then let's not waste any more time with this scene!" TK cheered.

-x-

"Nice job with the revenge!" Mr. Cardboard complimented when they were all done. "Now you two get down there to do the rest of it. Just cause I stalled you, I'll lock everyone in the green room and you guys don't have to."

Yolei grinned and hugged him, making Ken cross his arms angrily. "You're the best, Mr. Cardboard!" Yolei exclaimed.

"Aw, shucks," Mr. Cardboard said, blushing. "I love good old revenge! I haven't had this much fun in years! I guess you could say that you guys are doing me a favor instead of the other way around."

"Right. Great. Here," Ken growled, throwing the last plastic lock at Mr. Cardboard. "They're easy to operate." He stalked off down the hall.

Yolei shrugged at Mr. Cardboard. "Thank you again! We'll see you afterwards!" She dashed off after Ken, catching up with him as they rounded the corner.

"What's wrong?" she asked him.

"Nothing," Ken said, shaking his head.

"Come on, tell me!" Yolei persisted.

"It's not like jealousy isn't a natural human emotion!" Ken blurted out. "It's very common, and one should only be charged with some kind of neurosis if they lack jealousy!"

Yolei frowned. "You're jealous? Of who?"

"Who do you _think_?" Ken spat. "Mr. 'The Best' Cardboard back there. I saw the way you hugged him!"

Yolei stared at him. "Um… Ken… He was doing us a favor. If he hadn't been nice, the whole plan would have failed and we would probably have gone to jail!" Suddenly, she realized something. "You're jealous that I _hugged_ him? It didn't mean anything…"

"Well, let me know when an action means something next time!" Ken said sulkily.

"This does," Yolei said. Then she took a deep breath, grabbed Ken's hand to make him stop walking, and kissed him.

-x-

Davis was just about to die of impatience when Yolei threw open the door, face red.

"Finally!" Davis sighed. "Okay, is Ken down there?" He looked out the window and saw a somewhat shaky Ken behind the main camera. Luckily, he had easily gained access to it since even the studio photographers were in the green room meeting – which had ended, actually, but they were still stuck in there after Mr. Cardboard had locked the door. "Okay! Time to send the signal! Will you help me?"

Yolei said nothing, and Davis looked back at her, annoyed. "Yolei! Time to put our plan into action!"

Yolei shook her head, seeming to come out of her daze. "Can't we just paint our toenails and have girl talk instead?" she pleaded. "I need to get something off my chest!"

Davis stared at her. "Um… I'm flattered, Yolei, but…"

Yolei squinted. "What are you talking about?"

"Um… Weren't you just talking about taking your bra off?"

This, naturally, completely brought Yolei out of her floaty-I've-just-kissed-Ken trance, and she reached in her pocket to throw the most easily accessible thing at him. Unfortunately, it was a doll shaped like Ken. Davis ducked, and the Ken doll went flying at the darkened window, breaking it. It fell into the studio audience.

"Hey, it's raining Ken!" a crazed fangirl cried below.

Yolei sighed. "It took me two weeks to get his anatomy right!" she complained, then glared at Davis for staring at her strangely.

"Let's, um, do the signal now, okay?" Davis said, too scared of Yolei now to call her crazy.

-x-

"Is everybody having fun? Let's get ready for some _Beautiful Children_!" came the recorded announcement in Trashy Trish's voice, with the starting music for the show playing.

Ken pressed record on the main camera.

"It's time!" TK said. He grabbed Kari's hand and pulled her up. Cody held out his hands, but realized TK and Kari had already left and sighed. He got up on his own and followed them onto the stage.

The audience gasped when they saw who was on stage.

"Hi, everyone!" Kari said.

"It's Carrie!" screeched some fangirls. "Kill her!"

"Wait!" Cody yelled. They obeyed. "You've been fed a lot of lies lately. We're here to tell you the truth. Kari is not evil! We were never going out in the first place, but this show pretended we were, just to get more people to watch it."

"The eye-kiss was staged!" Kari said. "And I was never pregnant, either. I didn't marry Ken; it was just for a school play – um, a very good school play!" she added, in case a certain Antarctican substitute teacher would be watching the show when it was aired.

-x-

The aforementioned Antartican sub was grocery shopping for ice, iced tea, and ice cream. Suddenly, he realized that Kari was his favorite student, though he didn't know what made him think that. He decided to give her an A and a scholarship to any college she wanted to go to – as long as it was in Antarctica.

-x-

"It's true!" TK said. "I'm who you all know as codename TK, but I'm not an evil guy. I didn't steal Kari away from Cody, or do anything they said I did!"

Suddenly, a cry was heard from Kari's backpack. She froze. "Uh oh… Eyebrow…" She pulled the baby out of her backpack. "Shh, don't cry!" she told it, but it just cried louder. "TK, what should I do?" she asked desperately.

"Um… I'll take her," TK said, taking Eyebrow and waddling offstage.

"So that's the truth!" Kari said passionately. "I had to let you know that nothing Trashy Trish said about me was right. Please believe me…"

A fangirl stood up. "Carrie, I can't believe I ever doubted you! And I can't believe I egged your apartment, either! I'll never believe anything I see on TV again!"

Another one stood up. "Me either! From now on, all I'm gonna trust is the internet!"

"Thanks, everyone!" Kari said happily.

Cody smiled. "I'm glad you all know the truth now… Though I want to remind you that _some_ things are still true… Like me being the Cutest Boy of the Year in all countries!"

The audience cheered.

Kari and Cody smiled at each other. "I guess we should go now," Kari said. "See all you guys later!" Cody waved as well. Then they exited the stage, beaming.

TK was waiting there with a smile. "Great job… Let's get the others and get outta here!"

-x-

"I'm actually looking forward to watching _Beautiful Children_ tonight," Kari said cheerfully. She turned on the TV just as the opening music was playing. "So Yolei and Davis sent the tape of our show to the network, and hopefully all the people in the audience will put their copies on YouTube. The truth must be told – and now it will be!"

They were at Cody's house, all sprawled on the ground or the couch. Everyone was smiling, and Kari knew that Yolei and Ken were especially elated from the way they leaned against one another.

"_Hi everyone!_" yelled Trashy Trish, her hair taking over the world as usual.

"What?!?!?!?!" Kari gasped. "But… but…"

"Shh! Just watch. Maybe she's gonna tell the truth," Cody said.

"So young, so naïve," Yolei murmured.

"_We had some trouble in our studio earlier today_," Trashy Trish said. "_Can you believe that Carrie actually tried to take over the show?_" She shot a shocked look at the camera. "_Well, she did, and she brought Cody with her. What nerve! I'd love to keep talking, but I should show you instead of tell you! The only good thing that came out of their time here was this confession!_"

"Confession?" Kari growled.

It switched to the shot Ken had taken on the main camera of Kari, TK, and Cody on stage. But when Kari was about to speak, it wasn't her voice – it was Blonde Arukenimon's!

"_I am here to confess how horrible I am_," the voice said. "_I cheated on lovely Cody with codename TK, this guy here. Then I married Ken. Then I had my baby, who is really codename TK's and not Ken's._" It cut to the shot of Eyebrow crying and Kari pulling out the baby from her backpack. "_This is my baby that I had with codename TK. I am such a horrible mother that I keep it in my backpack. Here, you take care of it._" TK ran off stage with Eyebrow, and then it went back to Trashy Trish's face.

"_Wow!_" Trashy Trish exclaimed. "_Not only did Carrie cheat on Cody after the eye-kiss, but she also married Ken – and now we have proof that she had a baby with codename TK! First of all, she has one already, that you just saw crying! And did you see that codename TK is pregnant? We've just gotten word that it's Kari's baby, but she didn't want her husband Ken to know she was pregnant, so she got it surgically implanted into codename TK's womb!_"

Kari crushed the remote in her hands and it fell in pieces to the ground.

TK fell over in tears. "I don't have a womb!" he cried.

"Don't worry," Cody said, still hopeful. "The studio audience was there. They know the truth, and they have the clips! They can distribute them and show the whole world!"

"_Carrie tried to brainwash the studio audience by giving them brainwashing videos to take home!_" Trashy Trish continued. "_Thankfully, we were able to collect all of these with our forceful security guards! And with the help of a little prune juice, their memories of the horrible brainwashing experience were wiped clean!_"

Kari and Cody stared at each other. "PRUNE JUICE?!?!?!" they both yelled.

"Yes," Cody's grandfather said, popping up from behind the couch. "Prune juice is an ancient form of erasing one's memory."

Kari hid under a pillow. "Then why didn't it work on Cody??"

"Let's turn it off," TK said with a sigh.

"I guess we just can't win against a huge International Television show," Yolei said sadly. "In the end, we're just kids with no money. We can't expose rich, powerful adults, even if they are evil."

"I hate elitism," Ken muttered.

"Look, at least they'll all have some nasty surprises when they go into their dressing rooms, right?" Davis said. "We have to look at the good side of things about this situation!"

"Just… turn it off," Kari said. "There is no good side. I guess we just have to accept that we lost. Like Yolei said… We can't do anything. We might as well not have even tried."

TK glanced at Kari sadly, but she didn't meet his eyes.

Davis tried to find the remote to turn the TV off, but since Kari had destroyed it, he had to crawl up and turn it off manually. The last thing they saw was Trashy Trish's smug, laughing face.

-x-

Trashy Trish grinned as she walked back to her dressing room after the show. Her brain was consumed with thoughts about how she must be the best TV show host in the world – she'd saved _Beautiful Children_ from death! Suddenly, she heard a feminine scream coming from Jim the Failure Photographer's dressing room. She walked to it and looked in curiously.

Jim knelt on the ground, pieces of his beloved camcorder scattered around him. He sobbed into his hands. "Who would do such a thing?" he gasped as he cried.

Trish just rolled her eyes, then hoped that it hadn't stretched her skin too much. Maybe she'd have to have another eyelift soon? She'd make an appointment right after she hairsprayed her hair a few times.

She entered her dressing room and looked at herself in the mirror, silently complimenting herself on her fashion sense. She wore a turquoise micro mini skirt (basically two inches times ten to the three-thousandth) and a gold Madonna bra with fake rubies studded on it. She began applying hairspray to her huge crown of hair, starting with hairspray #1 and planning to finish with hairspray #35. She didn't need much right now. Besides, since the sun damaged her self-titled 'delicate skin', she was trying to cut down on all the CFCs her hairspray bottles contained. If she only applied about thirty-five bottles of hairspray at five intervals a day, she'd be helping out the ozone layer!

At around bottle #30, she heard another scream. This one wasn't womanly like Jim the Failure Photographer's had been, but instead was low and full of testosterone. She went to see whose it was and found it came from Blonde Arukenimon's dressing room.

Except… she didn't find Blonde Arukenimon there. Instead, she saw a strange old lady – blonde and wearing the same clothes as Blonde Arukenimon, but it couldn't be her. Her hair was down, and her skin fell in wrinkles around her face. And she had no long, claw-like fingernails.

"Trish!" the old woman screeched. "A big blade came down when I came in and it cut off all my nails! Then it came back behind me and cut my hair loose!"

Trashy Trish's eyes widened. It _was_ her! How revolting! "Just hurry up and call your plastic surgeon," Trish told her. "Don't overreact. Any time I start seeing wrinkles, I just call up and get a face lift or Botox or something." Trashy Trish sighed and went back into her dressing room.

Everyone was overreacting so much! Trish was sick of them. She sprayed the next bottle onto her hair and continued on. Once she got to #35, she shook it, lifted it to her hair, and sprayed.

Except… it wasn't hairspray that came out.

The bottle had been replaced by an identical one that Ken had brought. When it was sprayed, it acted somewhat like a mini-flamethrower.

The bottle shot out a small flame into Trashy Trish's huge mass of hair. As soon as it came in contact with the hairspray resting in her curls, her whole head burst into flame. Yes, Davis _had_ gotten to include arson in the war plan.

Trashy Trish screamed so loud that all her mirrors and lights broke and came raining down in a downpour of glass.

After all, it _does_ say on the side of hairspray bottles that the contents are extremely flammable…

-x-

Kari walked to the grocery store sadly. She knew she should be happy, but she wasn't, and she didn't feel like faking it. She was alone, anyway, so she could sulk in her sadness for now. Okay, so she'd gotten _some_ revenge on everyone at _Beautiful Children_ with the dressing room stunt, but it hardly meant anything. The show was still on, and Trashy Trish still had more power than she deserved. She could still make Kari's life terrible, and she could do the same to anyone else in the world who she didn't like, or, for that matter, anyone who she thought would merit some kind of a profit for her.

"Kari, wait up!" she heard from behind her. It was TK. He caught up to her even with his huge, pregnant belly. He was grinning from ear to ear.

"What are you so happy about?" she asked.

"Seeing you!" he said.

"Really?" she asked, glancing at him.

"Well, yeah… But there's also more… Didn't you hear?" he asked.

"Hear what?"

"_Beautiful Children_ is cancelled!"

Kari's mouth hung open. "What? Are you serious? How?"

"Let's go back to my house since we're so close… I can show you the video online!"

-x-

Back at his apartment, TK showed Kari the clip.

"_Breaking news! The immensely popular show _Beautiful Children_ is now officially cancelled. It seems that behind the glamour, there was a sinister evil lurking in the studio… A young intern named Leia, who has always wanted to get into television, announced to the press that the executives of the show violated the International Television Common Courtesy Law, section 2.3! This law requires that all programs allow employees – including interns – to celebrate their own birthdays. Because of the failure to do so, _Beautiful Children_ has been shut down! Because of this hard-headed truth-seeking, we offered Leia an internship here at this news station, but she simply said that 'this experience made her realize her interest in law'. Good luck to you as a lawyer, Leia!_"

Kari watched speechless, then jumped up and threw her arms around TK with a laugh. Neither of them had been expecting the hug.

"Woah, watch out for the baby!" TK said, though he held Kari just as tightly.

"Sorry," she said, releasing him and stepping back. "I just… um, was really excited to hear. That's great! Come on, we have to tell everyone!" She grinned at TK.

He smiled back at her. "It's nice to see you're smiling again," he said. He didn't want her to know that Leia was his cousin. She'd recently owned up to taping the Antarctican wedding and had apologized profusely – and then had told him how mean her employers were to him. This was after the takeover of the studio, and TK had searched for nearly a day online, trying to find some kind of violation that would shut down the show. And he'd found it – the "birthday" clause in the "common courtesy law". He could have told Kari that he'd done it because he couldn't stand seeing her sad anymore. But he didn't. Let her think he had nothing to do with it, and she'd be just as happy. Happier, even, because then she wouldn't feel like she had to repay him.

"I'll call everyone up and tell them!" she exclaimed.

"Wait… there's, um, something I have to tell you first," TK said. So he wasn't going to tell her about Leia. So what? There was still something else he'd had on his mind for awhile…

"Yeah? What is it?" Kari asked, eyes wide. He was looking down, as if this was something he was ashamed or embarrassed to say. What was it? Her pulse began to race and her face flushed. Could it be something that she'd wanted to tell him for a long time, too?

"Um… I know we're really good friends, but I – "

The door swung open and Matt and Tai ran in. "Hey guys!" Tai said with a grin. "Hope we didn't interrupt anything!"

TK collapsed back onto the couch and Kari put her face in her hands. "No, nothing at all," they both said monotonously in unison.

Following the two guys in the door were Davis, Yolei, Ken, and Cody. "Hiya! We saw you two coming back here so we decided to follow you!" Davis said. "You heard about _Beautiful Children_, right?"

Kari nodded with a smile. Okay, she couldn't be mad at them for interrupting her and TK. After all… she didn't think he was going anywhere.

"And I just had to tell you something, Kari!" Yolei said. She ran over to Kari and enveloped her in a hug. "Don't get jealous again, Ken!" Yolei called to her new boyfriend.

"I'll try," Ken sighed.

"Guess what I realized?" Yolei screeched. "You and TK had kids together! You and Ken got married! Cody is the cutest, and you also kissed him! The cards, Kari! The cards!"

So far, Kari had been a skeptic of the cards. But lately she'd been thinking they might be more legitimate than she'd thought… "I guess they really were true," she said.

"SEE? I TOLD YOU SO!" Yolei exclaimed with a huge grin.

Davis began to cry. "Why wasn't I anything?" he asked.

"We can always try again," Yolei said with a smirk. "Now that we know that I'm a marvelous, talented fortune-teller!"

Cody sighed wistfully. "I always knew you were…"

"You're such a liar! You didn't know that!" Davis accused.

"Yes I did! It's obvious she is… Do you think I was born yesterday?" Cody asked.

Davis stared at him. "Kind of." Suddenly, his mouth fell open. "The cards were right! Weren't they, Kari?"

Kari nodded, not knowing what he was talking about.

"That means you have to go on a date with me!" Davis cried happily, dancing around. "Ohhhh how I love the cards!"

"Wait, what??" Kari asked, eyes wide. "Why does it mean that?!"

"You told me, remember?" Davis said with a grin. "Refer back to Chapter 3 if you don't remember!" An author-rock hit him and he fell over, unconscious but still smiling. Kari sighed as she recalled that promise. She'd just have to get lots of prune juice and erase Davis's memory...

"Wait, you're telling fortunes, Yolei? I want mine told," Matt said.

"Me too, and I bet the other kids our age would want theirs told too!" Tai said.

Yolei smiled. "Well… I guess I can fit everyone into my schedule!"

Kari smiled down at TK, who was still sprawled on the couch. "We'll talk later, right?" she asked. He nodded back with a faint grin. Kari was happier than she'd been in a long time. Maybe now she could return to her normal life! Though… some things had changed. Especially with TK. He'd always been nice to her, but it seemed as if there was something more now… Throughout all this craziness, they'd almost grown closer.

And that was something none of the cards could predict.

**end of chapter five, part two. end of part i.**

_Yay! I hoped you liked it, and please review! Remember all the stuff I said above, which I'm too lazy to repeat down here! ;D_


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